Greetings Everyone! I hope you are all well today. With each passing day, I think long and hard about lots of things. This process of evolving is ever changing and can have ups and downs. The thing that I am learning most is to trust this journey where ever it may lead. I know this is easier said than done. However, I am a firm believer that there is a reason and purpose for everything. I just wish I knew what I was supposed to gain from everything ahead of time. In my opinion, things happen as they are supposed to. Please understand that I am in no way, shape or form an expert. I am just a woman who has experienced a lot. I speak about a lot of my individual experiences and how they shaped me to be the person I am today. I am someone who appreciates all experiences, whether good or bad for the lessons I gain from them. I try to explain how I deal with things, as I tend to view the world differently from most people. We are all unique and different with varied personalities, beliefs an experiences. Still, it is my belief that we can all stand to learn a thing or two from one another.

Here is the purpose of today’s post: many of the people in my life lean on me a lot, mostly for emotional support. At one point in time, I studied to be a therapist. Unfortunately various circumstances prevented me from completing this training. At the same time, I realized I needed a therapist because I always had a lot of issues. My journey now is to work through, heal and recover from them. I don’t want people to experience some of the obstacles I have in my life. At the same time, I am a stronger person. Yes, I know there are people who had it worst than me. I don’t diminish anyone’s experience or perception. People are quick to do that to me, which I hate. Every feeling is valid and no one has the right to tell another person otherwise. This could be a reason why suicide rates are high. Lately, I have been seeing a lot of articles about people who are suffering in silence because they fear judgment from those people who are around them. I too battled suicidal ideations in my life, so I understand. I recall a conversation I had with a friend many years ago on this topic. That will be a later post.

I don’t mind people leaning on me. I am honored and blessed that people trust me to share their feelings enough to seek my advice and feedback. Others elect to vent since I am a good listener. My clients also thank me a lot for listening to them and exuding the kindness that many workers in my profession do not. I am an empath who is sensitive and emotional. I am also introverted which means I observe and absorb emotions and vibes from people. I honestly care too much. I try to be what I wish people were for me, much to my detriment and often disappointment. While people feel relieved or better about their respective situations, I am often drained and stressed out.

I am still learning how to balance everything from my own situations. It is hard some days since I really don’t have anyone to lean on when I am in need or really going through stuff. The only person I really have is my father. I am thankful we are super close. I don’t think there is a person alive who understands me the way he does. At the same time, my father is elderly and I don’t want to burden him. He deals with his own issues. Sometimes other people in my life listen to me vent; however, they are often going through their own stuff, which places mine in the background. I can honestly say that I wish many things were different. There is this adage that you can’t pour from an empty cup. In order to be able to help anyone else, you have to help yourself. Now I understand this since I have been experiencing it first hand.

I enjoy helping people. This is one reason why I chose to be a social worker. My father often tells me that I need to clear my head and focus on myself. I will finally take this advice. I have to because I feel like I am losing myself in the way I am going. I wil not stop being a listening ear or heping people. I am startng to realize that this might be my calling and purpose in life. I am cutting back. I will no longer go out of my way to check on people to make sure they are okay since it is rare anyone does that for me. I am working on being assertive and setting boundaries and limits. This is essential for my mental health and growth. I have to remain healthy in order to follow my calling.

I encourage all of the “healing personalities” like myself to do the same. We have to recharge and decompress from the weight of emotions and baggage. We have to focus on healing and freeing ourselves from the traumas that we don’t necessarily speak of. More importantly, we need to deal with the stressors of daily life. If you are like me, you need outlets to cope. I am finding more outlets. At the present time, my favorite outlets are music; cooking; binge-watching my favorite television shows on various streaming platforms, such as “Hell’s Kitchen.” We all need to find something we enjoy to cope. Life is hard enough and we are not immune to the trials and tribulations of life. Life does not come with an instruction manual. No two people will view and experience life the same way. That is why we need to be sensitive to the needs of others. With that being said, my people who like to do all of the leaning on others: while venting is good, people are inundated with their own issues and they can’t always deal with your issues too.

I tried therapy to deal with my issues. I have been in and out of therapy since childhood. I have come to learn therapists tend to be more screwed up than you are. My last therapist took the cake. I went to her for two years. I stopped in March 2020 around when COVID happened. She focused on discussing her family, children, and her personal life more than she helped me. Did I also mention she told me a lot of her other patient’s business? No names were given, but it was a bit much. Overall, therapy was ineffective for me. Maybe because I never found the right provider. At this time, I am not looking for another therapist because I don’t have the time or money. This is why I advocate working on yourself by taking a hard look at everything. Change what needs to be changed. Focus on what’s important. Most importantly, continue to grow. Everyone needs someone to lean on. I don’t dispute that. My point is that people should check on those who are constntly leaned on. The strong ones become weak at times. It is okay. Remember that we all will rise and fall at one point or another. We won’t have all of the answers. The important thing is that you rebound and recover.

Thank you all for your continued support I see that this “Disovery Journey” blog is starting to gain attention. I enjoy feedback. Feel free to email me at emailrayneelise@yahoo.com. Enjoy your day Be blessed.

❤ Rayne Elise ❤

Greetings Everyone,

I hope all is well. I want to discuss something today that I feel is important. We are facing so many issues today that challenge the way we as people interact. I am not just referring to the aftermath of COVID-19 (coronavirus). With the “Me Too Movement,” people should be more cautious about how they approach people. Here is my story…

Recently, one of my friends told me his friend is interested in me and he would like to get to know me. Since this person is a friend of my close friend, I politely declined. I am not actively dating right now because I am focused on healing and getting myself together. I work a lot and I don’t really have adequate free time for dating, which most men want. My friend knows this; however he doesn’t know if I were really interested in dating, it would be him. We eluded to it. I don’t think he and I will ever date. I am just happy being his friend.

I was given the name and number of his friend, which I saved to my phone. However, I never called him or intended to. I have heard this man in the background while I was talking on the phone with my friend more than once, which instantly turned me off. He was insistent that I talk to him. The most recent time was a couple of days ago… I was told the man said hi. I said hi. He proceeded to ask me why I never called him. He also told me he has been trying to talk to me for nine months. In my mind, I was thinking he a lot of nerve and audacity. I do not like to be questioned. I do not handle it well. I am vocal about that. Yes, I am an open book, but this dude doesn’t know me from Adam. He further said that he sent me a friend request, which he wanted me to accept. He did not send me a request. I did have friend requests, but none were from him. I probably wouldn’t have accepted it any way. My friend had another call and had to go.

Later that day, my friend called me back and it was the same siutation. This time, the person told me he wanted to date me and he wouldn’t hurt me and so forth. He and my friend were arguing because the dude assumed my friend poisoned my view of him. No, my friend did not taint my view of this man in any way. I was turned off by his insistance. My friend had already told this person that I was not interested. I have repeatedly asked my friend what he told this guy about me for him to come off so hard. He claims his friend knew about my plight at my full-time job. Additionally, the guy overheard me speak, which he thought I was intelligent. I might be wrong, but I think my friend mentioned this person is a bit of a womanizer. Either way, it was my decision to not interact with him. I hung up the phone because I was so angry about the exchange. I told him directly that I was not interested in getting to know him, which seemed to really set him off.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind meeting people and going out. Just understand that I am extremely guarded after my last relationship and from dealing with people I met afterwards. I am damaged. I am not too trusting of people on their intentions. Unfortunately, I have been through a lot and I don’t want to be mistreated. Yes, I know everyone won’t use and mistreat me like people from my past did. Let me explain this: I am a highly intuitive person. The more I discover myself, the more I feed off of the vibes I receive from others. I am also introverted, which means I am selected in terms of who I gravitate towards. Based on my experiences, my tolerance and patience level is dwindling. I explained to my friend that I did not like the way his friend not only approached me but how he questioned and insisted after I declined. I further told my friend that people ned to come at me correct since I am not like most people.

Here is the purpose of my post: too often, people try to force themselves on other people. I am not referring solely to rape. I mean they try to push themselves on other people, even after they are rejected. I have even heard stories of people being killed when they reject or decline a person’s advances. That scares me. People need to understand when rejection happens for any reason, it is a part of life. Do not question it. I cannot speak for anyone but myself, but I find it to be reprehensible. We all have our beliefs and personalities. However, with the “Me Too Movement” and rape culture, I think people need to chill out on insisting a person talk to them. These are the rules of engagement.

Please let me know what you think. I can be reached via email at emailrayneelise@yhoo.com. Thank you for your time and continued support. Enjoy your day. Be blessed.

❤ Rayne Elise ❤

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I want to take a moment to reflect on another important lesson I learned this week. I have volunteered and worked in some capacity since 1998. I was 13 years old at the time I started. I am 36 now and I have worked at numerous jobs throughout the years. I have worked in various industries – child care, education and development (which I favor); retail; administrative/secretarial, data entry and case management. I have a diverse background and loads of experience in interacting with people. I don’t always interact with people because I am focused on my tasks. Plus, I am a quiet introvert. I meet lots of people daily. I don’t always remember people, especially faces. However it is likely I will remember a person’s name. For whatever reason, people always seem to know who I am.

I have worked with so many people over the years. I made some friends. There are more acquaintances. I can tell you various stories about those experiences. There was a time where I would only work at a job for three to six months before leaving. I just celebrated 11 years at my current job, which is a huge accomplishment for me. The second longest job duration was two years and four months. Everyone made a lasting impact, whether good or bad. I remember a lot of things from every job.

I am always happy when people excel and when they are promoted. I am happy when people are finally able to retire. At jobs, we tend to spend the majority of our time with our coworkers. I have met a lot of wonderful people, many of whom I have kept in touch with over the years. Many coworkers are connected to me on various social media platforms. I tend to move around a lot to different units and offices. As a result I have learned a lot of policies and skills. Many people reach out to me for help as a result. I don’t mind since I have spent a lot of time training others.

I have personally worked in units and jobs where everyone was tight nit. I have worked in other jobs and units where there was some division. I am a person who tries hard to get along with people. I am human, and that is not always feasible. I can recall a time when I almost got into a physical altercation with a coworker at a grocery store that I worked at part time. There were plenty of instances where I did not always like or get along with people, since we all have different personalities. And that is okay. God made me be real and not perfect. I do take ownership of my part in the matter. Just know that I am a work in progress and I am trying to do a better job of interacting with coworkers on all levels. I do know and understand there are things that I need to work on. However, no matter what you do, people won’t always like you. People have various reasons for this. It is okay, as long as people are honest with themselves. I am not a saint, nor do I proclaim to be.

The main point that I am trying to make is that we tend to spend more time with coworkers than our actual families. This is the case if you are in full time employment. Having worked at my current employer for as long as I have, I have met hundreds of people. Many people have come and go. I have gotten close to some. For the most part, I stayed to myself since I was always so inundated in my work. I trained many people, There were also a lot of times where I functioned as an unofficial supervisor and lead worker because a lot of people came to me with questions for the work we do. I remember many names. Many people know me. It is safe to say some have touched me more than others. I made some friends. In fact, when I got married in 2011, my coworkers had a bridal party for me. I participated in various meetings, holiday parties and functions. It is nice having fellowship and comraderies with coworkers. I enjoy those interactions.

Unfortunately, there were a lot of coworkers who passed away too. Being a truly empathetic person, I am deeply affected by death. I am always saddened. In recent weeks, several former and current coworkers passed away. In the midst of COVID-19, I attended the funeral of one person. I sent a donation via Cash App for another person’s children. The funeral is forthcoming for the last person. Unfortunately, that date pose a scheduling conflict. I did send a donation via Cash App for his surviving family members. I did not know either of them well. However, all of them were kind people who truly worked hard. The final coworker I described was the jokester who kept the office laughing. All will be deeply missed. No matter what they were dealing with, all exuded positivity. That is how I will remember them all and I will honor their memory. I still have the handmade stone another former coworker gave me prior to her passing, which proudly sits on my desk at work. This painted stone says “smile.” I always need that reminder.

I strongly believe that there is a reason why we all cross paths. We can all stand to learn a thing or two from one another. Every interaction is meant to teach us something. Dealing with coworkers have taught me immeasurable lessons that I will never forget. Many coworkers become like family. I have former coworkers who became my closest friends. I am grateful for that. I remained in contact with various coworkers, especially via social media platforms. It is nice to hear about the great things that are happening in their lives, such as promotions, marriages, child/grandchild births, retirements, relocations, etc. I am always happy for people’s success. I wish everyone strength and prosperity when they are struggling and facing many of life’s challenges. I pray for many of them (based on the relationship I have with them). I always hope for the best, no matter what happens in their lives.

It took me a long time to realize how important coworkers can be. I guess that is a part of growing and understanding life more. I hope to build better relationships with coworkers in the future. It is my ultimate hope to one day become an entrepreneur. I plan to use each coworker interaction that I can recall as a mechanism to succeed. I hope you all think long and hard about your coworker interactions. Continue to learn and grow from them. I am glad I did.

Thank you all for your time. Enjoy your day. Stay blessed.

< 3 Rayne Elise

~ This post is dedicated to the memory of John, Mecca, Sharon, Tonya, David, and Ambrose and anyone else I worked with over the years who passed away. I am grateful I had the opportunity to meet and work with you all. May you all rest in peace. You will never be forgotten. You are all deeply missed.

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. One thing that I have learned in life is that we are all unique individuals. We each have our own set of mannerisms, quirks, characteristics, ideologies, flaws and strengths. Essentially, we are all wonderfully made. It took me many years to understand this. I am different than most. I never really fit in. It bothered me as an adolescent because I did not know the importance of celebrating my uniqueness. I had minimal friends and I was always a loner. I am and I have always been the truest form of an introvert. I am also an empath, which became even more of a characteristic of mine late into adulthood. I care about people in ways many don’t. I feel I care too much at times. I treat everyone the way I want to be treated. We are all special people.

Here is my point with this post. We have so many people who do not know their worth. I see this more with younger people, however all ages are impacted. I did not have the best sense of self-worth when I were younger. I experienced a lot of things, Having worked with a lot of people over the years, especially children; this is a recurring trend which is seen a lot. Once, my best friend asked me to complete a survey for a young lady he was mentoring. One of the questions I was asked was about my advice for people who are experiencing similar feelings. My answer was simple. It was for everyone to love themselves as is, because no one will love you as much as you do. Secondly, God (if you believe in Him) does not make any mistakes, we are all made wonderfully.

I tried for years to be something that I wasn’t. I desperately wanted to fit in. However, I lost more of myself. I always questioned myself and my father about why I am the person I am. I have come to learn that there are many things that shape us. There are some traits that are passed down from one’s relatives. Everyone has their own set of beliefs and values. There are unlimited possibilities for each of us. We all have varied experiences. Everyone is different, and that is perfectly okay. Continue to grow. Build people up instead of tear them down. Live your life the best way you see fit. No matter what you decide to do. No matter where life takes you, always love yourself and stay true. Stay wonderfully you and evolve.

Peace and blessings everyone,

~>Rayne Elise ❤

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. Hopefully 2021 has started off well. As for me, I am great. I have never been the type of person who makes a lot of resolutions or declare “new year, new me.” I try to improve myself everyday of the year. I am constantly evolving, and I encourage you to do the same thing. Here are the changes I have made so far this year: (1) I am putting myself first and setting limits. This is something that I have honestly struggled with. I used to go out of my way to ensure everyone else is taken care of before I took proper care of myself. In turn, I allowed people to mistreat me. Now, I am very expressive about everything. I have called out many people on their foolishness as well as cut ties with others. We are not perpetuating toxic in 2021. I don’t care who the person is. Additionally, I am not waiting around for people to act right. My patience is limited. (2) I continue to work on my finances. I am striving for financial independence. I am trying to reduce and ultimately eliminate my debt. I have not used my credit cards often during the past several months. I also have a small savings balance, which has been rare in the past. (3) I am watching my food intake. I am trying to learn more healthy living alternatives. I have been slowly losing weight. I still have between 80 to 100 pounds to lose to reach my goals. I do walk around a lot as well as drink a lot of water. I do a lot of intermittent fasting. I have reduced my salt, carb, and sugar intake. I have more progress that I hope to make this year. (4) I am practicing overall happiness. I am honestly happier than I have ever been in my life. There are a lot more good things in my life than negative. I am choosing to focus on the good. No, my life is not where I want it to be. There are many things that I wish were different. However, I am grateful for all of the progress which I have made to date. (5) I am working on organizing and downsizing things in my house. I have never been a very organized person, especially since I have an Attention Deficit Disorder diagnosis. I am highly functioning. However, my goal is to learn how to function even more.

You might be asking the relevance of all of this. The relevance is simple: at least make goals and plans in your daily life. We are all a work in progress. We need to all evolve to be the best version of ourselves. We outgrow people and circumstances, and that is okay. The main point is acknowledging our downfalls and needs for change and growth are essential. We are going to make 2021 a good year. Claim it. Manifest. Grow and thrive. Continue to live your best life and evolve.

Peace and blessings everyone.

❤ Rayne Elise ❤

Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I want to take a moment to thank everyone for the love and support you all have shown me in the two years since I had this blog. I have endured a lot throughout my life. This blog has not only been my voice, but a therapeutic tool to help me to rediscover myself as well as reach various people. As a student, the majority of my teachers always told me that I am one of the best writers that they have ever seen. They encouraged me to always write, if I decided to do nothing else in life. When I started this blog, I can honestly say that I was extremely broken, based on years of adversity affecting me. I can honestly say that I have come a long way, however, I am still a work in progress. I see a lot of growth within myself, but I have more growing and healing to undergo.

This past week has been very challenging for me emotionally, physically, mentally, socially and spiritually. I have spent a lot of this time reflecting on many of the current relationships in my life. In terms of family, I have a better relationship with some members compared to others. My youngest sister and I never really had a relationship. It came to a head within the last few months when our mother instituted a major dispute. I am at a point where I am tired of trying. Therefore, it is highly unlikely we will be close. Maybe it is our age difference (13 years) or the fact that we are opposites personality wise. She is more of a narcissist and I am more of a giver. I am okay with the current state of our relationship. I also have solace knowing I have gone above and beyond and out of my way to mend relationships. My relationship with my mother is strained too. After that dispute, I have reduced my interactions with her. We always had a tumultuous relationship, as I grew up feeling unloved and unwanted. That is a hurtful way for anyone to grow up. My relationship with my other sister is better. We talk more. We weren’t close growing up, but we grew closer as she had children. I treat both of my nieces like I would treat my own kids. It is likely they might be the closest I ever get to having children of my own. I have a history of obesity and fertility issues (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome {PCOS}). My sister and I frequently talk. One phone conversation lasted over three hours. We are close together in age (one year and one day apart). It is because of this that we can relate to each other. This sister is extremely extroverted. I on the other hand am extremely introverted. My brother and I don’t really have a relationship either. When he was down and out recently, his girlfriend reached out to me in an effort to correspond with him. Now that he is doing better, our relationship will likely go back to being nonexistent. We are 18 years apart in age. He is now a father. I spent some time talking to his girlfriend. Please understand, I want the best for everyone. Yes, these relationships hurt. At the same time, I cannot always be the bigger person or the one giving. I am closest to my father. Our relationship isn’t perfect. He understands me and listens to me more than most.

I never had a lot of friends in my life. I am okay with that. Making friends was always a struggle for me. I was always different. I never really fit in at any time. I still don’t. I am grateful for the friends I do have. The longest, consistent friendship I have has been my best friend. We are heading into 23 years of friendship. When I transferred right before my sophomore year of high school, he was the first friend I made. Everyone who knew us assumed we would marry sometime after high school. I was open to us dating. He wasn’t. LOL. In retrospect, maybe that was for the best. We would have honestly driven each other crazy. We argue a lot about dumb stuff. We always have. Once as adults, we argued about my clothes for four days. We both work in demanding professions, so we aren’t able to talk or hang out as much. I really miss those days. COVID-19 made things worst.

For the most part, I reached out to people more than they reached out to me. I thought about that a lot this week. I usually only hear from people when they are down and out and/or they want something. I feel like people take me for granted. They treat me as if I am disposable. This has been hurting me a lot. One friend was recently telling me about her work woes. Being the person I am, I offered feedback and tried to come up with solutions, which she was not receptive to. I haven’t really heard from other friends. The one friend who did talk to me on a regular basis has abruptly changed his demeanor towards me. I don’t know why, but I am very hurt by it. All of these recent interactions are prompting me to fall back and stay to myself. I have to at this point to regroup and rebuild. I hope everyone is okay. Sometimes, I really wish people would be more open and honest with me, especially about their intentions.

After years of having low self-esteem for numerous reasons, I am learning how to love myself. Because of this, I no longer accept or tolerate many of the behaviors from people that are contributing to my sadness. I suffer with depression. I believe I became depressed as early as five years old based on being bullied in school. I have a lot of traumas that I never adequately dealt with, which impacts me today. It is crippling at times.

I have been in and out of therapy for years. Most recently, I did a two year stint prior to COVID-19. The therapist I had was actually more screwed up than me. She would spend a portion of each weekly session talking about herself, her children, what she wanted to eat and/or order, her friends and other patient’s issues. She did not provide their names, but it felt unethical. I am sure she talked about me too. She was opinionated and judgmental. She never took notes. I felt like very little was accomplished. In March 2020, I received a letter from my insurance company stating she was being dropped from their roster as a participating provider. That was my exit and I am grateful I took it. This week reminded me that I need to seek therapy again.

The point that I am trying to make with this post is that we as people need to take time out to reflect and evaluate our lives. I am nowhere near where I want to be. I am thankful to still be alive. I am able to share my story. I am in the process of changing my story for the better. I am grateful to be where I am in life. In the midst of COVID-19, I am still gainfully employed. My current director is one of the best people who I have ever worked with. I aspire to be like her some day. Even with being obese, my health is fair. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I am not changing who I am as a person. I will remain true to myself. I have some people who love me. People don’t always reciprocate the love that I give. I am honest in the fact that I am not an easy person to deal with. Maybe I care too much because of my empathetic nature. Maybe I try too hard. Being an over-thinker can be damaging. If 2020 taught me nothing else, it taught me how to rediscover me. I lost myself trying to please and appease everyone. I accepted a lot of mistreatment, which is why I think people became comfortable with the way they treat me. Ultimately people will do what you allow.

Going into 2021, I know hat I will not be as nice and complacent. I have also taken a step back from everyone. Letting go is hard, but necessary when holding on becomes painful. I want people to keep that same energy they give me when they are in a bind. I will not be rescuing anyone anymore. I have loaned money, which I never received back. I have countless examples of being taken advantage of. I am learning how to be more expressive with my feelings. Unfortunately, I am used to people diminishing my feelings. Often, I am told I am misinterpreting, misreading and/or imaging things. I have learned that this is a form of manipulation for people to continue their actions by guilt-tripping me into accepting it. I learned a lot in 2020. There are a lot of things I am doing differently in 2021. I hope each and every one of you take the time to reflect and rediscover yourselves. This leads you into becoming the best version of you.

Happy Holidays everyone. I am not really in the holiday spirit this year. I have my reasons. I hope you all remain safe. Please continue to practice social distancing. Wear your masks. Wash and sanitize your hands often. Self quarantine if necessary. I wish you all a great 2021. I will be blogging more in 2021. Stay positive and blessed.

~> Rayne Elise

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. There are so many things that I want to say right now. I really don’t know where to begin, so I will speak from my heart. 2020 has been an overall challenging year for everyone. Between the global coronavirus pandemic (COVID-19); to the historic presidential election where Mr. Joe Biden was elected over President Donald Trump. (Let me say this, I have a lot of opinions on this topic alone; however I will not add it to this point). There has been so many movements to bring awareness to the betterment of Black Lives (here’s a nod to all of the grassroots organizations, protests and changes in laws). We still have a long way to go, collectively as a country to heal. However, I hope 2021 is a much better year.

I can honestly say that I wish a lot of things were different. This year, despite its challenges, has also been one of reflection and growth. Let us take a moment to remember all of those loved ones who, while they are no longer alive in the physical realm; their spirit and memories live on forever. I personally experienced some loss, which is painful to grieve. May every one of them rest in peace. This is why I heavily advocate for people to spread love and cherish their loved ones while they are here. No matter what happens to anyone, especially those people who are close to me; my conscience is clear. We also need to honor our elders. They need our love and support more than ever. This brings me to my first lesson…

As you may know, I am very close to my grandmother. I grew up with knowing her as my only grandparent. I had grandfathers, but I did not know either of them prior to their deaths. My paternal grandmother died when my father was a child. I am very vocal about this: my grandmother has dementia. She has had it for a while, and she has went through several stages. Unfortunately, she worsened due to COVID-19. See my grandmother resides in an assisted living facility in my state, but in a different city. My mother and aunts rotate weekly to bring her food and personal items; do some light cleaning and to spend quality time with her. I usually go with my mother. I also call her as much as possible. My schedule is extremely heavy, so I try to call her at least bi-weekly. Once COVID happened and social distancing was implemented, my family was unable to visit her. She declined so heavily that she was hospitalized. It was too much for her. Once she was released from the hospital, she rotated amongst the family. She spent a month with my mother and I. It had lots of challenges. Grandma required some rehabilitation. We also discovered another side of her in the process. It was hard making Grandma comfortable and happy. However, she rebounded and she eventually moved back to her apartment. My family hired daily aids to help. We still rotate and visit her (of course with social distancing). This experience has taught me that an elder can decline rapidly when they are faced with more adversity than usual.

Another lesson that I learned is the importance of being my own advocate. I am very vocal about how much I have endured in my life. I am someone who used to accept anything that was said and done to me. I have suffered from some abuse in my life, much of which I am still working through. I learned that no one will be as good to me, as I am good to myself. I speak up more. If I feel my inner peace is being threatened, I walk away. I have removed myself from a lot of situations where I was being mistreated. I see a lot of growth in myself; however, I acknowledge I have a long way to go. I am a work in progress. Being able to express things I am feeling is very freeing in a way that I have never experienced before. I don’t accept the foolishness any more.

The next lesson that I have learned is about love. I had to learn how to love myself. I had to learn how to heal. I am still learning. You cannot love anyone else if you don’t love yourself. I am not perfect by any means. I am authentic and as God intended for me to be. I like the person I am. I have a lot of good qualities, but I also have a lot of bad ones. This ideology is important in dealing with relationships. I have spoken a lot about past ones. For the most part, I stay to myself.

My father and I are extremely close. I feel like there is not a person alive that understands me to the same extent he does. He is more patient with me than most. I am the epitome of a daddy’s girl. I am also a little spoiled. With that being said, dad and I talk daily about life. He gives me advice,. but he calls me out on my crap. One of the main things he advises for me to do is to clear my head and focus on myself. This is invaluable advice, as I am finding that I am happier as a result of taking this advice. This is a big lesson, especially in a year like this one.

Many people suggest I date. I have many reservations based on my prior experiences. I am in no position to be in a relationship right now. I do not have a lot of free time or money. I have someone (a friend) in mind who I want to take that journey with. However, that is a complex situation. In fact, he gave me his friend’s phone number yesterday. He states his friend thinks I am interesting, and he wants to get to know me. I don’t know what he told his friend about me. I do not know this friend. My best judgement is telling me not to reach out to his friend. I also feel rejected, which means I am pulling back from him too. I am someone who loves hard. The point of this scenario is that this year taught me how to walk away. I know now that there is nothing wrong with me. It is their loss. People have more to lose from my friendship than I do, as they heavily rely on me. He is one of those people who does. It is okay to feel sadness when things don’t happen the way we intend. The lesson is to learn from it, grow and regroup.

I learned the importance of budgeting and monetary planning. This year had a lot of setbacks. However I am learning how to manage better financially. I have made so many spreadsheets to aid in budgeting and planning. They are working, as I am slowly climbing out of debt. I am also able to save money. Learning never stops. We can all stand to learn a thing or two from every experience.

For instance, a young woman who is dating my younger brother messaged me on Instagram. She told me who she was as well as some of their circumstances and issues. She told me things about their situation that were red flags in my opinion. I told her the treatment she receives isn’t love and she needs to lover herself and the child they created. Love is blind and it can make you do some crazy things. However, no one deserves to be mistreated and undervalued. Yes, people have on blinders. Trust me. I have been there and done that. I listen. I even made peace with my brother. That too is a story for another time. Just know, family can be toxic. It is okay to distance yourselves from them when you need to preserve your sanity.

I want to become a motivational speaker. I really want to reach the younger generations. I try hard to be to people what I wish I had. I encourage people and give advice. I spend a lot of time engaging in community involvement. This is important and it keeps me on my toes.

The final thoughts that I will leave you with are these: we never know what curve balls life will throw at us at any given time. We are not immune to the trials and tribulations of life. We do not always know how to solve or navigate our problems. We don’t always know how to heal form and/or deal with our issues. That is okay. We will all eventually make it. As this year comes to a close, reflect on everything. Continue to learn and thrive. Who and what is for us, will be for us. Always remember that.

Peace and blessings everyone,

~ Rayne Elise

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I recently celebrated my birthday on October 20th, 2020 and I had a revelation: self care is essential and we need to do our part to live our best lives. If you know me personally, you would know that I tend to treat my birthday like a national holiday. I am still here for a reason and I celebrate each anniversary of my birth to commemorate this. I recently did a post about the passing of my uncle. I have lived a hard life to this point, and I feel like I owe it to myself to take care of me better as well as live life to the fullest. I am a person who works a lot. I work full time in a stressful government job dealing with financial eligibility programs for low income residents in my home state. Since COVID-19 (the global coronavirus pandemic), I have worked primarily from home daily past an eight hour shift, sometimes up to twelve hours. I rarely take breaks or eat lunch like I should. In addition to working all of the time, I do a lot for my parents from assisting them with managing their bills. I also help my mother with her biblical program. I also help to take care of my maternal grandmother who has dementia. I do a lot for people on a daily basis and I rarely take time for me.

I wanted to change all of this because I grew mentally, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually exhausted. I am an empath and a highly sensitive person. In other words, I tend to absorb everything around me in addition to my own stuff. My home life is also challenging, which does not help matters any. My sister and I are one year and one day apart in age. She also celebrates her birthday when I do. For the past several years, we have talked about taking a trip to celebrate our birthdays. Unfortunately, this did not materialize due to us both having hectic, stressful and conflicting schedules. She is also a mother. At the moment, I am not. This year, we planned a trip and took a vacation.

I am grateful that my director understands how hard I work. She quickly approved my vacation request for the entire week. I always go above and beyond to do as much as I can for everyone. I also rarely take off, except for necessitous reasons, such as medical appointments, the care of my parents of grandparents or illness for myself. My sister was unable to take off the entire week that I did, but she was off on the majority of the days. She planned the trip for us. We did a road trip to Ashburn, VA from our resident state. At the moment, the trip is about to come to a close tomorrow.

I absolutely love road trips. They are one of my absolute greatest pleasures. In the past several years, I have taken multiple road trips, mainly to Fayetteville, North Carolina to visit my uncle who recently passed away. I don’t always do the driving as a relatively new driver, but I always have the music. I pay for a lot of the snacks and gas. I am a bit obsessive compulsive and I tend to always overpack and have the extra things that people forget to pack. So I guess it balances out. I also do a lot of the navigation. Unfortunately, I have to stop at restrooms more than most during the road trips.

In the time we have been on this trip, I was able to do something that I rarely do – relax. I did not have to adhere to a schedule. I did not have to respond to incessant emails or voice messages. I did not have to work. My vacation responder has been on for both aspects of my job. It felt good. I am almost sad to return to my regular life because I really needed this time to relax and reflect on everything. I was able to think about the things that I really want, such as motherhood. I was able to look at my finances. I am clearing my head and making a plan as to how to reach all of my goals. I have checked in with a few people, but for once, I have been mostly off the grid. I realize this trip was something that I needed. I binge watched some of my favorite television shows. I do this daily, but I was able to do this uninterrupted. It was such a great experience. I am planning to do this yearly.

I started looking up ideas for planning a vacation to the Dominican Republic. It was one of the places where I always wanted to visit. My friend and I have spoke about this often. My next step is to obtain my passport to be able to travel abroad once COVID bans are lifted for overseas travel within the next couple of years. My best friend, who is also celebrating his birthday traveled to Mexico with his girlfriend. They are living their best lives, according to his Facebook posts. As I am another year older, I am choosing to do the same.

My uncle’s passing taught me that life is too short. It has always been hard for me to enjoy my life and put myself first for a number of reasons. I am choosing to make myself first for once. If I am continually pouring so much of myself into others, no one really does the same for me. Only one friend checks on me on a regular basis. He and I talk everyday. He is probably busier than I am. He always tells me how I need to learn how to become selfish with my time, even when it comes to him. I realize more and more every day how right he is. If something happens to me, people will live their life and adapt without me. This is why I need to fall back some now on how much I do for people. I am closest to my father. We talk about anything and everything. He always tells me how I need to take time out and clear my head from everything.

Working all of the time can be draining and detrimental to one’s health. In the industry I work in, the work will always be there and it is unlikely I will ever be caught up. I know I need to learn how to better deal with the heavy volume. I also need to learn how to not take work home with me as well as internalize the challenges. As you are likely aware, I have a Social Work background, which is a high burn out career. I love helping people, and I will not change that about myself. However, I need to focus and dwell less on everything that hasn’t been done.

In short, I am saying that I am usually always miserable and stressed out. One year, my best friend told me that he thinks I like being this way. I don’t, however it is the only life I know. I am currently in my late thirties now (36 years old as of this writing). It is time to enjoy life. This means to me no longer arguing with people who are insignificant. This also includes standing up for myself when I am treated unfairly and wrong. I am learning how to do things to make myself happy. I am trying to live healthier. I am considered to be obese. I really want to lose weight. I have loss some, but I have a long way to go. I don’t plan on being underweight by any means. I want to improve my self image. I have been taking more care of my natural hair. It has been braided for the past few months. My sister does braids and I am grateful for that. Next focus will be on my extremely dry and sensitive skin. I am learning how to budget and better manage my finances because I want to purchase a home soon. I try to think of things to do daily to address all of these things. As a result, I am feeling happier and better about myself. That is important to me. I am a work in progress. It will take a while for me to make all of the strides and changes that I desire. At least I know that I am on the right track.

I am grateful that I am still alive and able to live my best life. Traveling more is a must. There are so many other places that I would like to visit. I have also started spending more time alone and doing things I enjoy, such as eating and grabbing my favorite Starbucks drink. I enjoy writing, as it is extremely therapeutic for me. I enjoy reading. While on this trip, I have my Amazon Kindle with me. One of my aunts sent me an electronic gift card for Amazon, which I used to purchase books. One of the books I purchased was Mariah Carey’s autobiography. I have been a fan of hers since the age of nine. I have tried to meet her in person too many times to count. I did win a competition once back in 2002, but I was residing on campus and I was unable to make it to the location due to transportation barriers. I am still a huge lover of music. I play my music daily.

I am thankful daily for my friends. I love all of my friends, as they keep me grounded. They usually make me think. I love the fact that my friend voices his opinions and “observations.” He shows me that he cares about me more than most. I say all of this because everyone needs people in their lives to help them to strive for the best and live their best lives. He is that person for me.

These are the main points of this article: (1) self care is crucial. It is okay to put yourself first and say no. These are things I struggle with daily. However it is important for one’s survival. (2) Live your best life in whatever form it is to you. Seek and do all of the things that make you happy. (3) Take breaks – incessant working does nothing. Take time to enjoy life. (4) Have friends and family members who care about you enough to empower you to do self care and live your life. (5) Be grateful for each and every day you have on this earth. Life is too short to not be grateful and humbled. (6) It is okay to be a work in progress. Strive for greatness daily.

~ ”Ride this m——- f——- until the wheels fall off.” – Martin Lawrence from Runteldat.

Thank you all for your love and support. Have a great day. Stay blessed. Live your best life.

~ Rayne Elise ❤

Hello Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. Tonight’s post stems from a conversation that i was having with my father earlier this evening. I am extremely close to my father. We talk about anything. I am the epitome of a daddy’s girl because I really don’t think that there is a person alive that understands me like my father does. I am a bit quirky and different. You might even say that I am a bit off beat. I am very misunderstood, which always bothered me. My father is the main person I receive advice from. He also calls me out on my foolishness. He gives me guidance and insight on ways that I can better manage this time we call life.

Tonight, we were talking about marriage. My father was married to my mother during my early childhood years. However, this union did not last due to various differences between my parents. Unfortunately, they were not evenly yoked. I grew up around a lot of arguing, It is rare that my parents agreed on anything or compromised. To be totally honest, my father is extremely stubborn. My young sister, brother and myself inherited some of those same qualities. My father is a no nonsense type of person who will tell you exactly what he thinks without sugar coating anything, He does not really care about people’s feelings. Do not get me wrong, he is as sweet as he can be, until he is provoked. I hate to admit this, but this is another trait that we inherited from dad. As a result, my parents’ marriage was not the best example of marriage.

As I have mentioned in other posts, my own marriage was tumultuous. I do not want to say that my marriage was all bad, because it wasn’t. I have been thinking tonight about some of the good times my ex-husband and I shared. Before you ask, no there is no chance of us reconciling and getting back together. We have both moved on. We are civil at the moment and we will keep it as it is. Besides, I talk to his mother every few days. I am very vocal about how my marriage is one of the most painful experiences of my life. However, it also forced me to learn some of the hardest lessons. My ex-husband started out really young when we settled. We did not find ourselves nor communicate everything we believed, wanted or desired in our marriage. This is where we made our mistake. We did not effectively try to fix our problems. We repressed and concealed a lot of our feelings towards one another. We had different philosophies on everything. I do thank him for the experience as it shaped me into the woman that I am today. I am a work in progress and I have a long way to go. He taught me the power of forgiveness. I am not saying all of the issues in our marriage were him – a lot of it was me too. I accept full responsibility for my hand in our demise. I am also sorry for the pain I caused him. I fully know and understand that I am not the easiest person to deal with, However, when there are two broken people together, this will eventually lead to a disaster. It is my hope that my ex-husband does not repeat the same issues in his current marriage. I am really cautious now as the result of my experiences with marriage and relationships.

I am kind of reluctant to ever remarry. I am not against it. However, I have higher standards now and I refuse to settle. I will only remarry a man if the circumstances are right and we are able to resolve issues. I seek a happy medium. I am constantly told that I will eventually remarry because I am a wife. I seek to find the reciprocated love that I give on a daily basis. I want someone who will communicate everything they want and desire instead of the marriage being one sided. I want someone who will understand that my intentions are good, despite my flaws. I really want someone who I can build something with – in terms of similar goals and aspirations. We will see what the future holds. I believe heavily in the laws of attraction and manifesting what I desire.

Going back to the point about my father, he was adamant that he would never remarry following his divorce from my mother. Well, approximately two and one half decades later, my father is remarried. His wife is extremely jealous and suspicious of women. One example of this is when I was at his house. I answered the home telephone and her response was, “Who is this? This is his wife.” I was instantly taken aback and turned off, Even now, she is a little standoffish. I try to make an effort, for the sake of my father, but it is not reciprocated. I want my father to be happy. However, he has been expressing so many issues and complaints with this marriage. Another issue is money.

Here is my take on marriage – communication and trust are the most important attributes to make a marriage work. During the dating stages, both parties should be open and honest about their feelings. Do not allow anything to fester. Once unresolved issues build up, they manifest themselves into ugly, unhealthy things. I am speaking from experience.

I am a person who was not always vocal about my feelings and desires. It is something that I struggled with my entire life. I accepted a lot of things that I did not want to as a result. When I started to speak up and things didn’t change, then problems increased. There were more arguments. More people became involved in our marriage issues. I repeat, do not ever do this. This is not how you should handle anything that is making you unhappy.

Additionally, you should not go to sleep angry. It became to the point where i resented my ex-husband. Money and spending should be discussed and agreed upon well in advance. When two people become married, they are supposed to become one unit. Talk about how you pay bills and how you budget your money. Honestly describe all debts. Have a savings plan. Discuss financial goals, such as retirement, major spending (cars, homes, etc). This is all important because any financial burdens become your spouses. Discuss all forms of income. These are recurring issues I see in various marriages.

Jealousy is the ugliest trait. If you have to be excessively jealous, you are in the wrong relationship in my opinion. In order for your relationship to be successful, you should be able to trust your mate. If there is any doubt, let it go and move on. Life is too short to be suspicious. A little jealousy is okay. But a lot of it tends to be uncalled for and unjustified. Love yourself. Yes there are some people who will cheat. Unfortunately, relationships can hurt. Trust me. You can only be held accountable for what you do and allow and not what your mate does or does not do.

I am a very spiritual person. I was told by various people that God (or whatever supreme being you believe in) should be the center of your marriage and relationship. Pray daily for each other. My ex-husband and I had different religions. This is another potential reason why we did not agree on many things. I think this is the same case for my father and step mother. I am not saying this is the sole cause of issues within a relationship. Every person, relationship and situation is different. All I am saying is for you to take the time to explore all possibilities to strive to make your relationship and marriage the best as possible.

Using examples from my marriage, as well as my parents and the marriages of so many other people I know, I try to take heed to the lessons involved in much of the demise. I give a lot of relationship advice on Facebook and other social media platforms. I am not an expert by any means. Much of this is a matter of my opinion. Everything should be discussed in the dating stage in order for all parties to gain an understanding of what is to come if marriage happens. People tend to look past so many things for the sake of a relationship. A lot of things are also taken for granted. No one has the goal to experience a breakup. However life happens.

Good luck and best wishes. I hope this post reaches someone and makes a difference. Thank you for your time. Enjoy the rest of your day. Be blessed and positive.

~ Rayne Elise ❤

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I am a firm believer that everyone has a story. We each have a beginning, middle and and an end. We are all unique, as we have varied life experiences. As I have stated many times before, there is a purpose for everything. With that being said, we all live; and at some point, we all die. It is a part of life However while we live, we are not immune to the trials and tribulations of life. Life is a rollercoaster, which is filled with an abundance of highs and lows, peaks and valleys, and lastly tragedies and triumphs. It is up to us to make an impact on others as we navigate through living life. One of my all time favorite actors and comedians, Martin Lawrence said in his Runteldat movie to, “Ride this motherfucker until the wheels fall off.” Excuse the language. I strongly believe in this sentiment. It means to live your life until you can live no more. No matter what happens in life, we as people need to learn and grow as well as bounce back from whatever life throws at us. We have to play the cards that we are dealt.

While we have to do the best that we can during life, there are many instances when we are not prepared for death. An example of this is the excessive instances of Go Fund Me pages which are prevalent on various social media platforms where families of deceased people request a certain amount of donations for the loved ones to pay for funeral expenses and other final expenses. Unfortunately, this has become such a norm that there are these Go Fund Me pages for an abundance of other reasons outside of death. I have personally donated to numerous pages over the years. I am not an advocate of their use, as I heavily believe in planning as much as possible. At the same time, I know people need help at times. Things happen that we cannot avoids nor always prepare for.

In my life, I have met many people. I have interacted with so many people for various reasons. Whether it was because of school, or my family members, associates or friends. I also have a face that people seem to remember, as I am often stopped by someone who knows me from my past for one reason or another. I am usually asked about relatives (mainly my sister and father). I don’t always remember faces, but I usually remember names. I also believe that we all cross path for a reason. Everyone is meant to teach you something. We can all stand to learn a thing or two from one another. Some interactions make navigating this thing called life easier.

I have personally lost a lot of people for a number of reasons. Many of those people were lost due to death. We never fully know or understand when it is someone’s time to go. My message is simple – spread love. Live each and every day like it is your last. Strive to be the best person that you can be. Also do the best you can. Learn as much as possible. Treat each person like it is your last. I often wonder how I will be remembered when I am dead. I wonder if I made an impact on people. I continue to mourn everyone who has passed away. I think about them often. No death has affected me more than the late, great Michael Jackson. I cried like a baby when he passed. I play his music daily. There is a song by Lil Duval called “Smile (Living My Best Life).” I believe heavily in this as life is too short.

Let us to continue to revere and remember those who are no longer with us. Let us continue to be the best versions of ourselves daily. Live your best life. Be blessed and positive. Spread love and joy.

~ Rayne Elise

** This post is dedicated to the memory of my Uncle Tony. You are deeply missed. May you Rest In Peace and fly high. I am at peace knowing you are no longer suffering.