Greetings Everyone,
I hope you are all well today. I recently celebrated my birthday on October 20th, 2020 and I had a revelation: self care is essential and we need to do our part to live our best lives. If you know me personally, you would know that I tend to treat my birthday like a national holiday. I am still here for a reason and I celebrate each anniversary of my birth to commemorate this. I recently did a post about the passing of my uncle. I have lived a hard life to this point, and I feel like I owe it to myself to take care of me better as well as live life to the fullest. I am a person who works a lot. I work full time in a stressful government job dealing with financial eligibility programs for low income residents in my home state. Since COVID-19 (the global coronavirus pandemic), I have worked primarily from home daily past an eight hour shift, sometimes up to twelve hours. I rarely take breaks or eat lunch like I should. In addition to working all of the time, I do a lot for my parents from assisting them with managing their bills. I also help my mother with her biblical program. I also help to take care of my maternal grandmother who has dementia. I do a lot for people on a daily basis and I rarely take time for me.
I wanted to change all of this because I grew mentally, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually exhausted. I am an empath and a highly sensitive person. In other words, I tend to absorb everything around me in addition to my own stuff. My home life is also challenging, which does not help matters any. My sister and I are one year and one day apart in age. She also celebrates her birthday when I do. For the past several years, we have talked about taking a trip to celebrate our birthdays. Unfortunately, this did not materialize due to us both having hectic, stressful and conflicting schedules. She is also a mother. At the moment, I am not. This year, we planned a trip and took a vacation.
I am grateful that my director understands how hard I work. She quickly approved my vacation request for the entire week. I always go above and beyond to do as much as I can for everyone. I also rarely take off, except for necessitous reasons, such as medical appointments, the care of my parents of grandparents or illness for myself. My sister was unable to take off the entire week that I did, but she was off on the majority of the days. She planned the trip for us. We did a road trip to Ashburn, VA from our resident state. At the moment, the trip is about to come to a close tomorrow.
I absolutely love road trips. They are one of my absolute greatest pleasures. In the past several years, I have taken multiple road trips, mainly to Fayetteville, North Carolina to visit my uncle who recently passed away. I don’t always do the driving as a relatively new driver, but I always have the music. I pay for a lot of the snacks and gas. I am a bit obsessive compulsive and I tend to always overpack and have the extra things that people forget to pack. So I guess it balances out. I also do a lot of the navigation. Unfortunately, I have to stop at restrooms more than most during the road trips.
In the time we have been on this trip, I was able to do something that I rarely do – relax. I did not have to adhere to a schedule. I did not have to respond to incessant emails or voice messages. I did not have to work. My vacation responder has been on for both aspects of my job. It felt good. I am almost sad to return to my regular life because I really needed this time to relax and reflect on everything. I was able to think about the things that I really want, such as motherhood. I was able to look at my finances. I am clearing my head and making a plan as to how to reach all of my goals. I have checked in with a few people, but for once, I have been mostly off the grid. I realize this trip was something that I needed. I binge watched some of my favorite television shows. I do this daily, but I was able to do this uninterrupted. It was such a great experience. I am planning to do this yearly.
I started looking up ideas for planning a vacation to the Dominican Republic. It was one of the places where I always wanted to visit. My friend and I have spoke about this often. My next step is to obtain my passport to be able to travel abroad once COVID bans are lifted for overseas travel within the next couple of years. My best friend, who is also celebrating his birthday traveled to Mexico with his girlfriend. They are living their best lives, according to his Facebook posts. As I am another year older, I am choosing to do the same.
My uncle’s passing taught me that life is too short. It has always been hard for me to enjoy my life and put myself first for a number of reasons. I am choosing to make myself first for once. If I am continually pouring so much of myself into others, no one really does the same for me. Only one friend checks on me on a regular basis. He and I talk everyday. He is probably busier than I am. He always tells me how I need to learn how to become selfish with my time, even when it comes to him. I realize more and more every day how right he is. If something happens to me, people will live their life and adapt without me. This is why I need to fall back some now on how much I do for people. I am closest to my father. We talk about anything and everything. He always tells me how I need to take time out and clear my head from everything.
Working all of the time can be draining and detrimental to one’s health. In the industry I work in, the work will always be there and it is unlikely I will ever be caught up. I know I need to learn how to better deal with the heavy volume. I also need to learn how to not take work home with me as well as internalize the challenges. As you are likely aware, I have a Social Work background, which is a high burn out career. I love helping people, and I will not change that about myself. However, I need to focus and dwell less on everything that hasn’t been done.
In short, I am saying that I am usually always miserable and stressed out. One year, my best friend told me that he thinks I like being this way. I don’t, however it is the only life I know. I am currently in my late thirties now (36 years old as of this writing). It is time to enjoy life. This means to me no longer arguing with people who are insignificant. This also includes standing up for myself when I am treated unfairly and wrong. I am learning how to do things to make myself happy. I am trying to live healthier. I am considered to be obese. I really want to lose weight. I have loss some, but I have a long way to go. I don’t plan on being underweight by any means. I want to improve my self image. I have been taking more care of my natural hair. It has been braided for the past few months. My sister does braids and I am grateful for that. Next focus will be on my extremely dry and sensitive skin. I am learning how to budget and better manage my finances because I want to purchase a home soon. I try to think of things to do daily to address all of these things. As a result, I am feeling happier and better about myself. That is important to me. I am a work in progress. It will take a while for me to make all of the strides and changes that I desire. At least I know that I am on the right track.
I am grateful that I am still alive and able to live my best life. Traveling more is a must. There are so many other places that I would like to visit. I have also started spending more time alone and doing things I enjoy, such as eating and grabbing my favorite Starbucks drink. I enjoy writing, as it is extremely therapeutic for me. I enjoy reading. While on this trip, I have my Amazon Kindle with me. One of my aunts sent me an electronic gift card for Amazon, which I used to purchase books. One of the books I purchased was Mariah Carey’s autobiography. I have been a fan of hers since the age of nine. I have tried to meet her in person too many times to count. I did win a competition once back in 2002, but I was residing on campus and I was unable to make it to the location due to transportation barriers. I am still a huge lover of music. I play my music daily.
I am thankful daily for my friends. I love all of my friends, as they keep me grounded. They usually make me think. I love the fact that my friend voices his opinions and “observations.” He shows me that he cares about me more than most. I say all of this because everyone needs people in their lives to help them to strive for the best and live their best lives. He is that person for me.
These are the main points of this article: (1) self care is crucial. It is okay to put yourself first and say no. These are things I struggle with daily. However it is important for one’s survival. (2) Live your best life in whatever form it is to you. Seek and do all of the things that make you happy. (3) Take breaks – incessant working does nothing. Take time to enjoy life. (4) Have friends and family members who care about you enough to empower you to do self care and live your life. (5) Be grateful for each and every day you have on this earth. Life is too short to not be grateful and humbled. (6) It is okay to be a work in progress. Strive for greatness daily.
~ ”Ride this m——- f——- until the wheels fall off.” – Martin Lawrence from Runteldat.
Thank you all for your love and support. Have a great day. Stay blessed. Live your best life.
~ Rayne Elise ❤
Discovery Journey 