Greetings, everyone! I hope you are all well today. Today’s post is based on recent conversations that I had last week. I am incredibly introverted, as I have said before. I do not make friends easily. I never did. In fact, there are a handful of people who I consider a friend. Many of my friends are older than I am. I always seemed to gravitate towards older people. Maybe that is because I have an old soul. I want to talk a little about them. All of my friends mean a lot to me. I am eternally grateful for them all. They truly make my life better.

First is the newest friend I made. She is a coworker of mine. She is honestly one of the sweetest people I ever met. She is one of the happiest and bubbly people too. We started working together in the middle of last year. I am always happy to see her. Often, she checks on me to see how my day is going. When I am not in my own little world, I try to do the same for her. See, we work in a fast-paced, high-demand job. We serve as each other’s support. Lately, the demands have been more overwhelming, so we bounce ideas off of each other in terms of how we can handle it better, This has helped a lot. For my birthday last year, she texted me the sweetest message which brought me to tears. When I returned to work from Christmas break, I had a postcard from her home country and lotion, which made me smile. She truly is my favorite person at my job. A lot of times when we are in the office together, we talk. I strongly believe that we all cross paths for a reason. I am thankful our paths have met.

The second friend I will talk about is a former coworker. She and I have been friends for nearly 14 years now, as we worked together in my first office. We are so similar in terms of personality and other factors that it is scary. We are both short in stature. We have similar builds. We are around the same age. Both of us are detail-oriented when we complete our work. Our coworkers used to confuse us a lot. So much life has happened to us over the years. I wish we hung out more. We do text from time to time to check-in. Once we stopped working together, I missed her terribly.

The next friend is someone else I worked closely with some years ago. We remained friends for many years. I never thought our friendship would become what it is today. He has been more of a husband to me than my husband was. He checks in throughout the day to see how I am doing. He stepped in to teach me how to drive at a point when I was ready to give up. We endured a lot at our job. He fought for me in ways no one else has. Like me, he has a profound love of music. We have a bond that is more than I could ask for. I wish things were different. Life is rough for him, and I spend time trying to console him as he navigates through his obstacles. He calls me his ram in the bush. I do not usually get close to people, but with him, it was an instant connection.

The final friend I will talk about today is my longest friend of 25 years. We met in high school. I was one year ahead of him. He was the first friend I made when I transferred schools. He was the only person I made it a point to remain in contact with after high school. We did the same extracurricular activities (speech and debate and the school paper). In fact, he was my pillow for those long out-of-state trips.

We used to argue a lot to the point where many people who knew us assumed we would become married by the 20-year mark. In the back of my mind, I wish we explored dating. I feel it is unlikely we will and that is probably for the best. I think we would drive each other crazy. Plus, I do not think his mother would deem me good enough for him. Plus I think he has someone in mind. Just reminiscing about this is making me laugh. We hung out a lot over the years. Unfortunately, we have extremely heavy schedules and we rarely see each other. We love to eat when we do hang out. He is a true foodie. At some point, we discussed taking a sushi-making class together.

My highlight of 2023 was attending Mariah Carey’s concert with him in December. Honestly, it was a dream fulfilled. Since 1990, I have always been a huge Mariah fan. Let him tell it, I am a super die-hard fan who would fight if anyone says anything bad about her or her music. That is not necessarily the case. I love music. In many ways, her music saved and comforted me over the years. I also tried to meet her so many times. That was the best night I ever had. I do not think I ever had so much fun.

Many of the best memories in my life involve him in some way. We have been there for so many of each other’s life events. We supported each other at our lowest points. He has been my shoulder to cry on since we were children (13 and 14 years old). I never forgotten that. He is the main friend who would help me if I need help. He is also the main person who calls me out on my crap. He has been my voice of reason so much over the years.

He was always super protective of me. I never understood why he was that way with me. Now that I am thinking back, he always disliked any male I was close to then… and now. When he learned I was dating my ex-husband, I do not think I ever experienced him being so angry. In case you are thinking he and I should have that conversation we have been avoiding, I did ask him about it once. Unfortunately, I had a little too much to drink that night and passed out as he started answering. I do not know what he said to this day. I rarely drink, and I am a lightweight when I do drink. My father and I had a conversation a few days ago about him. Dad believes we should explore dating. I have mixed feelings about it. We will see what happens in the future. No matter who this friend ends up with, I just want him to be happy. He is a great catch and I know he would make an excellent husband. No matter what, he will be my friend for life.

Friends are a blessing. I have a few more friends than I ones I spoke of here. I love and appreciate all of them. They show me how people should treat one another. I do not think they understand the impact they have had on my life. I have endured so much. I never really fit in anywhere. I am different. However, my friends and I, although we are very different are like a perfect fitting puzzle.

The point of this post is to speak about the importance of cherishing your friends and the vast experiences you will have with them. We should spread love, positivity, and joy. We all need someone. We all have a need to feel that we belong and we are accepted as is. Friends should grow with you and push you to become a better version of yourself. You should do the same for them. True friends will make your life better in ways you could not imagine. I ask you to join me in celebrating your friends. <Cue the theme song from the “Golden Girls” television show.>

Peace and blessings everyone. ❤ Rayne Elise ❤

Thank You for Being a Friend

Song by Andrew Gold

Lyrics

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down a road and back again
Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant

I’m not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won’t you stand up and take a bow

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
Well, you would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say

Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend
Thank you for being a friend

If it’s a car you lack
I’d surely buy you a Cadillac
Whatever you need, any time of the day or night

I’m not ashamed to say
I hope it always will stay this way
My hat is off, won’t you stand up and take a bow

And when we both get older
With walking canes and hair of gray
Have no fear, even though it’s hard to hear
I will stand real close and say

Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)

Let me tell you ’bout a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)

And when we die and float away
Into the night, the Milky Way
You’ll hear me call as we ascend
I’ll see you there, then once again

Thank you for being a

Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend
People, let me tell you ’bout a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you)
Thank you for being a friend

Whoa, tell you ’bout a friend (let me thank you right now for being a friend)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna tell you ’bout a pal and I’ll tell you again)
Thank you for being a friend (I wanna thank you, thank you)
Thank you for being a friend

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Andrew M Gold

Thank You for Being a Friend lyrics © Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well today. Happy New Year! I wish you nothing but the best in 2024. I know 2023 was a rough year for some. 2023 was okay for me. I started a new position, which I enjoy for the most part. I learned a lot about myself as a woman, and I saw a lot of growth. I became more assertive and spent a lot of time advocating for myself and others. Yes, there were some challenges in 2023. However, I plan on making 2024 a great year. Before I proceed, I would like each of us to take a moment to remember all of the people we lost in 2023. Everyone who is affected by loss has my condolences and sympathy.

After my most recent session, my therapist wanted me to do some homework. In moving forward, he wants me to think about what will make me happy. I want to be fulfilled professionally. I strongly believe in promotions and upward mobility. I try to be better with each passing day. My employer wants me to expand on my skills, which will strengthen me in this role. I am happy to work in my field. I can honestly say I have learned a lot. However, the learning process never stops. I am thankful I work with some of the best people I ever met (at least my direct co-workers). We work well as a team. We compliment each other with our diverse backgrounds, expertise and levels of experience. We all help each other. We have all grown together, which I think is important.

This does not mean the office is without challenges. I work with people who have a hard time submitting the documents and performing the tasks I need to complete my job. My job tends to be harder than it needs to be as a result. I have a pivotal role with this position. I am happy it is remotely in my field. However, due to circumstances beyond my control. I tend to be frustrated often as a result. I am learning how to deal with this better. I wish many things were different. We will see what happens.

I advocate for self-awareness and mental health treatment. Sometimes it is needed to preserve your sanity. In 2024, with my treatment, I am working on healing and being more self-protecting. I have learned that no one will advocate for you as you advocate for yourself. I have come a long way, and I have a way to go. I am learning how to set limits and boundaries. I am also learning that I cannot be all things to all people. I am too kind to people, and that is my downfall. I have always been the type to be to people what I wish they were to me, but people do not reciprocate my efforts. In 2024, I am reducing many of my actions. In 2023, I felt unappreciated; taken for granted; and mistreated. Yes, I admit some of it is my fault. Plus, I learned people do what you allow. In 2024, I know how to do some things differently. I feel experience is your best teacher. I can honestly say I learned a lot in 2023.

Please check on your strong friends this year. I am mostly referring to those people who go out of their way to ensure everyone around them are happy or okay. As someone like that, I can tell you we tend to suffer in silence. My sister recently lost someone a friend or acquaintance to suicide. This is something that I feel is not discussed enough. Also check on the elderly people around you. I am thankful my grandmother is still with us; however, I am anticipating she will transition soon due to her ailing condition. I try to spend as much time with her as possible. A while ago, I made peace with her passing soon. At least she will be with my uncle and others who went before her. I am very close to my grandmother. She is honestly one of my favorite people. When that time comes, at least I have good memories involving her. Plus, she instilled a lot of lessons which I live by.

2024 will be a celebration of the positives. This is what we will dwell on. Here is to all of the great things that will come this year. I am looking forward to it. I wish nothing but the best for everyone. Peace and blessings to all. ❤ Rayne Elise

Greetings everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I have probably mentioned this before in other discussions. I have worked in some capacity since the age of 13 in various industries. I work incredibly hard, as I put my all into everything I do. I am also someone who would do anything for anyone. The longest job I have worked at is my current one, which is 13 and a half years. While I have moved around to other offices and units during that time, I have been in my current position for nearly nine months. For the most part, I love my job. It is the best role I ever had. I am also doing something in my field, which is even better.

I am a firm believer that everything in life has good and bad qualities. This role is no different. A majority of the people I work with are great, especially those whom I work closest with. However, there are some individuals who are difficult to work with. One person in particular is unpleasant and has been so in my entire time at this office. My interactions with this person are so extreme that anytime I have to contact them, it turns into an issue. I have mentioned the situation to my superiors, but there is no improvement. Others have expressed similar sentiments about this person.

This person, a male speaks to me in a manner in which I am beneath him. I will work with anyone, however, the issues between me and this person heightened this past week after he did not like the way I responded to an email. He called me yelling, and trying to bait me into an argument. He tried to assert his so-called authority, which he has none over me. He was hostile, trying to threaten and he tried to scold me like a child. At this point, Houston, we have a major problem. I take a lot from people, and I go out of my way to keep the peace, especially at work. See, my grandmother always told me “not to react, let God handle it.” I try to live by that.

Sadly, this is not my first rodeo with bullying or a toxic work culture, and I am sure it won’t be the last. I can tell I have grown as a person, because of the difference in how I handle it. I speak up for myself and advocate in ways I never did before. I know that I have my issues and flaws, but everything I do is pretty calculated. Many people don’t agree with the way I handle things, and that is fine. I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and I am okay with that. I am unapologetically me. I will not change to suit anyone or back down.

I am often told about how beautiful my spirit is. I am people-oriented and empathic. No matter what, I try to do right by people. I treat everyone the way I want to be treated. I try to be what I wish people were to me. I promise you I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and make it work. I am a team player, and I firmly believe in the mission of the organization plus the populations we serve. However, when I am fed up, my attitude and demeanor change. I am told that when I am angry, I am scary. Let me be clear, it takes a lot to make me angry. I try hard not to get to that point.

The whole situation I am currently facing in my role makes me sad because I have been saying the same thing for months. I hate drama with a passion. I rather spend my time focusing on work instead of foolishness. I hate trivial matters. I believe in productivity. I am so quiet that people never know when I am working or not. I want to keep it that way. I do not want to cause problems for anyone. However, when it calls for it, I will react. I am more calm and tame than I used to be. Due to my kind, easy-going nature, people see me as an easy target. People think I am weak, which I am not. I have experienced so much in the time I have been in the workforce. I can tell you various stories.

Working so much, I have experienced my share of horrible jobs. It is my dream to become an entrepreneur. One of those ventures will be a Human Resources consulting firm. I had horrible, unqualified bosses too. I have seen lots of nepotism in the workplace too. I have had other conflicts with co-workers in the past. I have been lied on. One woman in a past role used to complain about how I typed. One of the best blessings I ever received was the ability to telework, which I love. In my opinion, it decreases the office politics.

The point of this topic is simple: there will always be people who you don’t mesh with, especially at work. Work is challenging for a number of reasons. It is all about how you deal with it. Stay true to yourself and always do your best. Rise above adversity. Keep growing. I hope this story touched you today. Do not be intimidated or back down. Work hard and focus on the task at hand. Do fall victim to bullying. Stay professional and display decorum. Lastly, handle things accordingly. Document everything. Know the policies and regulations of workplace bullying.

Stay strong. Peace and blessings. I love you all.

❤ Rayne Elise ❤

Greetings everyone,

I hope all is well with you. I thank you all for your continued support. It means more to me than you will ever know. When I started this healing journey, I was in a dark place. I was hurting. I had endured so much that I would not wish on anyone. This healing journey has helped me cope and understand some things. We are not immune to the trials and tribulations of life. Life does not come with an instruction manual. We have to live each day and do the best we can. We have to find means to deal with adversity.

Please allow me to be vulnerable for a minute. I try to be as strong as possible. However, there are times when I feel weak. I take on more than most people would. I internalize more than I should. I am doing my best, but sometimes it is not good enough. I wish so many things were different. I am learning to only deal with the things that I can control. I do anything for anyone. It feels like nothing I do is ever reciprocated. It is a hurting feeling.

I work incredibly hard at my job. For the most part, I enjoy my job. I have been in my current role for less than one year. It is rewarding. However, it has its challenges. Things have been becoming harder lately. For example, I wear a lot of hats. I am inundated with additional duties and responsibilities daily. Some of the people I work with expect me to do their job functions in addition to mine. Every job has its share of difficult people, which can be cumbersome. For the most part, it is a great team of people to work with. Most know and do their jobs well. Of course, there are some slackers. The leadership team who I work closely with is excellent, and we all get along well. I am happy to finally be doing something related to my $41,000 Masters in Business Administration degree.

There are some situations which I cannot control, which affect me. I cannot give you an honest answer as to why everything affects me so deeply. In addition to work stress, I am dealing with a lot of home stressors. I assist my elderly parents with online bill payments, errands, and other things they need. Don’t get me wrong, they can function on their own. My mother mainly needs to talk and vent. My father needs a little more help than my mother. At the moment, I am dealing with his health battles in addition to my own. This means I am always at some medical facility. These appointments have been increasing in recent months. I have a long time history of being a migraine sufferer. Recently, they have been increasing due to extreme stress and lack of sleep. My migraines are pretty debilitating. I had them since age 12.

I do know I care too much. I do not know how to not care as much. I am in therapy trying to sort through my issues and emotions. I can see the physical effects of everything. Behind my smile, I am an emotional wreck. I have been expressing these emotions to those who are closest to me; however, they either don’t understand or they don’t care. I am thankful for the people who do check on me. It truly helps. I usually check on everyone as much as I can. I encourage you all to check on your strong friends. You never know what people are going through. Sometimes, just checking in could mean something to someone.

I encourage you to be a great friend. My circle is small and it always has been. I never really fit in anywhere. I am different, introverted, and a little socially awkward. I am grateful for those friends who “adopted” me. My longest friendship began in high school approximately 24 years ago. Essentially we grew up together. We saw each other through the best of times and the worst of times. He was there for me through a lot. I will forever be eternally grateful for him as a result. I wish we did more together these days like we used to. However, we both have heavy schedules. We will see what happens.

My therapist tells me I am doing great, given my circumstances. He tells me that I am too hard on myself. He also tells me I need to be more self protecting and exhibit caretaking for myself. Additionally, I need to set limits on those people who take advantage, whether at work or within my family. I am a work in progress. I am learning how to destress.

Some days are easier than others. The good days outweigh the bad days, even when you feel like you are drowning. We all have things to contend with. The point I am trying to make is that you might be doing better in life than you think you are. It is okay to admit you are not okay. It helps to express your feelings, emotions, and needs. I have to do better in that aspect. I rarely ask for help because I have always been hyper-independent, which can be detrimental. Even if you disagree with me, that is fine. I know I need to take a break – both physically and mentally. This is why I stress the importance of mental health. I am trying to remember every single day that I am not superwoman. My therapist reiterates to me that I cannot be all things to all people. I think these are words to live by.

I am rooting for each and everyone of you. We need to thrive and survive in this life. Better days are coming. Live your life to the fullest. Do your best. Eventually, all things will fall into place. This drowning feeling is overwhelming at times; but not forever, There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong. Stay faithful. Keep your head up. Keep the faith. We will keep on riding until the wheels fall off.

Peace and blessings! ~ ❤ Rayne Elise ❤

I want to share how fortunate I am at the moment. I worked since the age of thirteen years old whether in paid employment or a voluntary capacity. Some of the jobs I had have been in child care, education, government employment, and retail. I have a diverse background as I explained in various posts.

In January 2023, I was promoted and moved to a different division. I am currently an administrator and I handle some of the personnel matters for my division. I am finally using my master’s degree and I couldn’t be happier. I work in the director’s office with the best team of people. Now there are others who are not as easy to work with, but I am grateful either way.

I remember the days of being so discouraged and frustrated based on my experience in prior roles. I hated a lot of jobs. In fact, when I was younger, I would only work three months before quitting. I have nearly fourteen years with my current company, which is the longest. I worked in situations where there was a lot of nepotism. Unqualified people were promoted. Qualified people were often overlooked or dumped on. Every job has good and bad qualities. I am used to the bad.

I feel valued in my current role. This job taught me to be more assertive. I play a key role in operations and management. It is a lot of work. It can be stressful. It is rewarding. I enjoy it. I am able to be creative. It is the best work-life balance of any job I ever had. I no longer need to work a second job, which is an added bonus.

My director is one of the most dynamic women I have ever worked with. I aspire to be like her and many others should I continue to move up. She is highly knowledgeable. “M” takes no nonsense. “M” leads by example. She works incredibly hard around the clock. She is often called to lead other units too because she is so good. My deputy director is just as good. “J” although relatively new is just as dynamic. They work collaboratively and harmoniously with each other. Outside of an internship I did during undergrad, it is something I had not seen prior to this role. Then there is “R” who is also in this mix. She is the eldest (sixties) and wise. The four of us run the office, which is a great thing. This group of women embraced me from day one.

Here is an interesting fact: during my initial interview for this role, one of the panelists was incredibly curt and crass with me. I did not do anything to her. I almost declined this role because of her. Thankfully she does not work in my division. The other panelists work closely with me. While one was seemingly nice during my interview, she is pretty problematic. She is challenging to work with in general. My second-round interview with my director and deputy director sealed the deal. It is honestly the best decision I ever made.

Life is about taking a leap of faith and finding the best role for you. Reach goals. Continue to grow and elevate. Trust your instincts. Stay encouraged. Lastly, never settle for less.

Please stay safe and blessed. Enjoy your day. ~Rayne Elise

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. Motherhood is and was my hugest dream. In fact, I had baby names chosen since I was twelve years old. I have not had children of my own yet. One thing you will learn about me is that I love children. I have always been very maternal, even as a toddler.

I am a firm believer that we all cross paths for a reason. I am thankful every day that I have two wonderful nieces. It is possible they will be the closest daughters I will ever have. I am okay with that. For nearly eighteen years, I have been an auntie. While I love both nieces, the eldest niece has a special place in my heart. I have so many wonderful stories and memories involving us. My favorite memory and story I share most is the day I volunteered at her Head Start program. She did not want to play with me; however, she sat at a nearby table and glared at me and her female classmate who wanted to play with me. If looks could kill….. The purpose of my sharing this story is because it was the reason that I studied at an early childhood education program and obtained a 90-hour Head Start certificate in 2010. At this program, I used to make all types of cheesy arts and crafts. I also made a picture book of animals. My niece loved those cheesy projects and would be so excited that I made her stuff. I also worked at numerous jobs which were children centered. I tutored; worked at summer camps and after-school programs. I taught computers in a couple of settings. I also did two internships that focused on children. One was a family service program, which taught parenting and GED classes plus had child development rooms for infants and toddlers (children up to age three). This was my favorite. The other internship was at a substance abuse treatment facility for teens. I gained a lot working in these roles. People in my hometown stop me to this day because they remember me for one reason or another (also my paternal family member has strong genes [lol]).

That bond with my niece hasn’t changed over the years. Her mother (my younger sister) and I are polar opposites in every way possible. While my sister is more outgoing and fun, I am extremely introverted and reserved. I am starting to come out of my shell more. Well, life has a sense of humor. My niece’s personality type is similar to mine, which scares me at times. I see so much of myself in her when I was her age. Let me also say that I have one of the rarest Meyer Briggs personality types (INFJ which stands for Introverted Intuitive Feeling Judging). With that being said, it is fair to say my niece may be a little closer to me than her mother.

I try to check on her periodically to see how she is doing. I also try to answer questions she has about life. I try to be for her what I wish I had. Maybe I would be better off if I felt more support at her age. I try to help her with homework. I was always very scholastic. Unfortunately, my niece hates school. She does okay, but I push her to do better. I really want her to go out of state for college. She wasn’t dealt the best hand in life. I think a change of scenery would be good for her. She is at that age where she needs to find herself. I want her to gain some life skills. I want to teach her how to drive. I learned late (mid-thirties). As a result, I want better for her.

My niece and I talk about lots of things, such as her dreams. We talk about her home life. We talk about my and her mother’s upbringing. My niece has always been wise beyond her years. When my ex-husband and I separated, she was a pre-teen. I knew she would be sad since he was really close to him. She tapped me on my right shoulder and said, “It is okay Auntie. I always knew you were the mommy type and uncle {R} was like a child.” Life frustrates my niece and she is doing her best to understand everything. I am honored she values my opinion. I hate the fact that I am always so busy and don’t have a lot of free time. I work a lot and help my elderly parents a lot. I also help take care of my grandmother. I need to free up some time and do better. I own that.

Having these conversations with my niece brings a level of joy to my life that she may never understand. She is honestly one of my favorite people. I feel she came into my life at a time when I needed her. When she was born, I was going through a lot. I was in my early twenties and trying to find myself. I helped raise her. I am proud of the woman she is becoming. In a way, she feels the void I have from not being a mom and my need to nurture. I am trying to teach her how to love herself and how to problem-solve. I use examples from my life to help her. Sadly, our childhoods mirror. My best friend from high school once told me that God did not give me kids because he knew I would have to help my sister. Now I realize he might be right. Everything happens for a reason. I unconditionally love my niece and that won’t change. My main goal is for her to heal and be happy. I want her to be happy in life. I want her to have healthy relationships. Lastly, I want her to be the best person she can be. I want her to reach her full potential and become a strong woman.

My niece is a talented artist. I want her to hone her craft. For as long as I can remember, she loved art. She wants to major in an art field, such as graphic design. I hope she remains passionate with her love of art.

I hope this blog post touched you today. It is important to build people up, especially young people. We never know what someone is dealing with. People have it hard in life. Try to be that bright spot and spread love.

Peace and blessings. ❤ Rayne Elise ❤

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. Lately, I have been forced to take a hard look at many aspects of my life. My relationships with people are not nor have they ever been particularly great. Yes, a lot of it is me. I own that 100%. Please understand these few things as to why this is the case. First, I grew up feeling unloved. I have been mistreated for as long as I can remember. Dealing with this since childhood, it stays with you. I am trying to heal and work through it. I realize the impact all of this has on me. It is funny to me that the people who hurt me rely solely on me. I have always been a caregiver to everyone. Unfortunately, I lost myself in the process. I am a work in progress trying hard to find myself.

Maybe I am too nice and kind to everyone. I try hard to treat everyone the way I want to be treated. Yet, people don’t really reciprocate the actions I do for them. The point I am trying to make is that my feeling never mattered then, and it seems that has not really changed now. The people around me say that isn’t the case; however, I strongly believe that action speak louder than words. I have experienced a lot of hurt and disappointment. This resulted in extreme trust issues.

I had very few friends in my life. I have had even fewer romantic relationships. I have always been friend zoned, which has not really changed. I am okay with that. Everyone had an opinion of how I should look, dress or be. I am unapologetic in being myself. I never really fit in, nor have I ever been traditional. I am perfectly fine with my imperfection. While I have my strengths, I do have a lot of weaknesses. I view the world differently than most, Maybe my experiences contributed to this attribute.

I am at a point where I no longer expect anything from anyone. I am used to being hurt and disappointed. In therapy, I am learning to be more self-protecting. The goal is to set limits and decrease how much I do for people. It is hard, but I know I must do this to preserve my sanity and peace. I give so much, but nothing is reciprocated. I need to focus on myself. It is easier said than done. For as long as I can remember, I have been this way. Having to change is a hard thing to cope with. Maybe I am overthinking this, which is a possibility.

Is it too much to desire and wish that for once in my life, someone keep the promises they make to me? If it too much to desire the energy I give being matched and reciprocated? What about my needs for once? I often sacrifice to ensure everyone around me is good. Yes, I know and fully understand that people do what you allow. Maybe if I treated myself better from jump, I would not be in this predicament. I blame myself. I am okay with that. I just hope when things change in terms of how I act and behave towards them, people understand my reasons. Additionally, I hope they keep the same energy.

People are often upset with me because I am adamant that I do not want a funeral. I have said this for years. My reason is simple: people treated me my crap my whole life. Why should a funeral be held for me when that was always the case? People’s intentions were never really good when it came to me. I was never overly close to anyone. Therefore, a funeral seems unnecessary. Save the money. Do something else with it. I never really felt loved or wanted. So-called friends use me as a backup plan. I do not make it a point to be close to co-workers. I am a very low-key person. Despite my feelings, I am good to everyone.

I am thankful for the growth and being better able to understand my role in the treatment I receive from others. I am now more vocal than I have ever been about what I will and won’t tolerate. For example, I currently work in a new role where I am an overseer of work production. While it is challenging, I love it. The people I work closest with are dynamic. I have already started decreasing activities towards others, which has been helping. Even though I am upset at the moment, all isn’t lost.

Here is the point of today’s post: I am more aware of my desires. Now I am trying to figure out how to improve relationships with my family members and friends. I want to meet good men and date. I am tired of the dating horror stories. I desire happiness, which I have learned begins with me. One of my all time favorite quotes comes from the great RuPaul which says this: “if you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” This was another hard lesson learned throughout this healing journey. Take heed friends. Love yourself and don’t settle for less. Do not be like me. Be better than me!

As always, thank you so much for your love and support. It truly means a lot in ways you all could never understand. Thanks for allowing me to vent my emotions today. Yes, I have said this to those around me, but they are not hearing me. Stay in peace and blessings. ~ Rayne Elise

Greetings Everyone,

I know I am late, but welcome to 2023. Thank you all for the love and support you have shown me so far. It is greatly appreciated. You will never understand the extent of gratitude I have. I hope you are all doing well and having a great year so far. It has been some time since I did a blog post, but life happens. 2022 was a rough year for me personally. I know so many people struggled as well. Let’s make 2023 the best year possible.

As for me, my 2023 has been great so for me so far. I started a new job, which I love. I have never personally adjusted so fast to a job before. I am thankful for the experiences I had which propelled me to reach this position. I have grown a lot as a person. I am more vocal and able to articulate my thoughts and feelings better. I am still enrolled in therapy. I am happy to report that I am closer to working through my issues. I am not dwelling on many of my challenges as much as I did.

I am working on becoming debt free. The raise in salary helps immensely. I am also learning how to be more fiscally responsible by budgeting. I spend so much time making Google sheets and other databases for various functions, including budgeting, which helps. I try to be more conscious of what I am spending money on. I try to only buy what I need. I am also learning to take inventory of the products which I already have. It is a work in progress. Baby steps my friends.

Not only that, I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle. I am more aware of what I am eating. I have greatly reduced my portion intake. I have cut back on sugars, salts, and other fatty foods. I am happy to say that I am starting to lose weight. Because I commute to my job, I also walk more. I am trying to get better doing exercising. I am forcing myself to stop and take more breaks. I have improved on going to bed at a reasonable hour, especially on days when I have to go into the office. I also prepare more the night before. This includes packing healthy lunches. It helps decrease my stress.

While things are improving for me, there are still some things that are lacking. I am ready to date. It has been 7 years since I have been in a relationship. You have to remember: I am always friend-zoned. I am introverted and socially awkward. I try dating, but let’s be honest, dating sucks. The men I usually meet are low quality. Don’t get me wrong, I know a lot of great guys. There is one I would date if the opportunity presented itself. That is a long, drawn-out story… and a situation I am ready to give up on. I believe what is meant to be will happen. I am in no rush for a relationship. I am hopeful that love will eventually find me. I bring a lot to the table. I also know who I am. A different friend and I were discussing this very topic today.

My family remains very important to me. I am one of the most family-oriented people I know. I always had a caregiving spirit. I’ve always been a nurturer. Now that both of my parents are elderly, I spend a lot of time ensuring they are good. I sacrifice for everyone. Part of my healing is to cut back on caregiving by focusing more on myself. While I have come a long way, more progress is needed. My therapist recommends that I become more self-protective. It is time and he is right. No one really sacrifices for me, which makes me sad. No matter what happens, my conscience is clear. I know in my heart I do right by people, even though it is rarely reciprocated.

At this stage of my life, I try to be the best version of myself I can be. Each day, I am evolving. I am stronger now than I have ever been. I have a level of confidence now that I never had. I no longer tolerate or accept disrespect. I am proud of the woman I have become. I am at a good place in my life. I try to use some o the lessons I learned through trial and error to teach and empower my niece. I see so much of myself in her, which scares me. I am grateful we are close. She is probably the closest I will have to a daughter. I treat her as such. I try to be for her what I wish I had. Maybe I would have been better off.

I will close here and leave you with this: do the best you can. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Thrive and evolve. Do great things in 2023. Be blessed. I love you all.

❤ Raynne Elise ❤

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. As you can tell from my title, today is my birthday. All you need to know right now is that I am somewhere in my mid to late 30s. I do not fear becoming older, as it is a rite of passage. With age comes wisdom. I can assure you that I have learned numerous lessons navigating through this thing we call life. I am thankful for each lesson.

Reflecting on my various experiences, I realize I have come a long way. I am not the same person I was. I am happy with my progress, but I have more progress I need to make. I am stronger than I used to be. People have seen me as weaker than most throughout my life due to my quiet and mild-mannered nature. I continue to prove them wrong. I was bullied for the majority of my life.

Now, I articulate my feelings; opinions and refuse to accept any treatment that is less than desirable. I am described as a firecracker. I am tame for the most part based on my upbringing. My mother is religious and begs me to behave. She is meeker and milder, and she hates confrontation. Now my father on the other hand is hardcore and a bit intense. He does not take mess off of anyone. He is confrontational and has no issue fighting. I tend to be a mixture of both.

I am proud of the woman I have become. I am family oriented and take care of my family. I have a decent job and make decent money. I wish I received more money because the struggle is real. However I know there are people who are less fortunate than me, I work in a rewarding field where I do something I love such as helping people. I am educated and still love learning. I enjoy teaching as much as learning. I cannot emphasize enough that we can all stand to learn something from one another. We are one.

2022 has been a rough year for me due to various reasons. It is okay because of my growth and perseverance. I am thankful for my therapist who has helped me process many things. I am thankful for my family and friends. There is one friend in particular who stands above the rest. He was there for me through thick and thin this year, often sacrificing to ensure I was okay. Words cannot express my gratitude. He also took me to a nice restaurant to celebrate my birthday. It is important to surround yourself with various people who will love, support, help, and uplift you no matter what.

Each birthday (circle around the sun) symbolizes a new beginning. May we remember everyone who did not make it to a new birthday this year. I personally lost many people to COVID, illnesses, and other reasons. Remember everyone: any day above ground is a good day. We are not immune to the trials and tribulations of life. Life happens and there is so much suffering in the process. Always strive to do your best. Treat people the way you want to be treated. Pay it forward if you are able to. Display gratitude. Ride this until the wheels fall off. Live life to the fullest. Celebrate every day.

As always, thank you for the love and support you continue to show me. It means so much. Peace and blessings everyone.

❤ Rayne Elise ❤