Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. COVID-19 is still happening worldwide. There has been some improvement, but collectively we all have a long way to go. There are so many people who have perished due to this devastating pandemic. While there is so much controversy regarding the coronavirus, I had a thought… life is too short to live without reaching one’s full potential. This is a conversation I have often.

I have met and learned about many people who had regrets later in life because they did not follow their dreams; complete everything on their bucket list or accomplish everything. At times, we may feel as though we are not where we want to be in our lives. We become complacent in our circumstances and we stop striving to improve or advance ourselves. People can become stagnant based on all of life’s challenges.

I am a firm believer that life doesn’t always go as planned. I am speaking from experience. For example, I wanted to be a mother of at least two children. I wanted to own a home. I wanted to complete my masters degree in Social Work. I wanted to become a therapist. Growing up, I always wanted to become a singer. I wanted to publish a book. I wanted to become a motivational speaker, especially for at risk children based on the way I grew up. I did not expect to be divorced. I can honestly say my divorce is my biggest loss.

I feel like a failure at times. However I realize things happen for a reason. I did not see enough in myself at the time to reach my full potential. I accepted less than I deserved, which resulted in a lot of pain. Life’s failures are your biggest lessons and they will force you to evaluate yourself and prompt you to reach your potential.

More often than not, people will talk about the things they can’t do, or the things they are afraid to do. I am one of those people. I am grateful for my friend who always remind me of this. He reminds me to try the things that I am most afraid of. Trying is all that we can do as people. We might surprise ourselves. I encourage everyone of your to surround yourselves with people who will not only uplift you. They will understand all aspects about you. Your circle will not only see the good in you, but the bad too. They will continue to love you anyway. They will hold you accountable. They will call you out when you need it. Most importantly, they will push you to reach your full potential.

I am grateful for my friend every day. He has been one of the most positive and motivational forces in my life. Oftentimes, he tells me that he wishes I see in myself what he sees in me. I have learned that failure is okay. It prompts us as people to learn and grow. It is essential for us to reach our full potential. We all need the love and support of a circle of people to keep it real with us. People can see more of us than we can see of ourselves, which is good. No matter what happens in your life or what your situation is, never stop striving to reach your full potential. Potential is different things to different people. Never accept less than you deserve.

Stay blessed and positive my people.

~ Rayne Elise

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. Today’s message is simple: positivity. I tend to be viewed by others as a pessimistic and negative person. I am working hard to change that about myself. However, there are numerous reasons and events which shaped my personality. What I have come to learn is that our reaction to situations affect us in many ways. I never realized how much this was the case until I started having recent conversations with people.

I grew up a troubled child. I became a wounded adult in the process. I am understanding now that I have a lot of repressed pain and issues that I never properly dealt with. Letting go of the pain and baggage has been extremely hard for me. I am ultimately a work in progress and I am continuing to change my mindset. We as people deal with things differently. Life does not come with a navigational manual. It is comprised of trials, tribulations, victories and triumphs and lots of life lessons in the process. This brings me to my next point…

The people who we surround ourselves with can also impact us in ways we do not realize. One of the best lessons that I have learned; and one that continues to be a recurring theme is misery loves company and hurt people hurt people. I am very vocal about a lot of the experiences I had, many of which were abusive. The fact that I never properly addressed my issues in a healthy manner has proven that n the issues will manifest itself in ugly ways. I am a firm advocate for mental health awareness. I reiterate this because I have struggled with depression since the age of 5. However all of this is beginning to change.

The older I become, the more life experience and wisdom I gain – I am learning to love myself. I have overcome a lot of adversity. I am proud of the progress that I have made in my healing. I now understand that I am the way God intended for me to be – even with flaws and all. Self esteem is crucial. I admit that this is an area that I am working on. The thing that has been helping me to adjust is a more positive mindset and actions. I can honestly say I am seeing where things are slowly improving for me. I am happier than I have been. Life is 10% of what happens and 90% of how you respond to it.

In all of my social media platforms, I always post about spreading love and positivity. The world is negative enough. We need more positive to counteract the negative. What we think is what manifests. This is something I learned the hard way. It is something to think about.

Stay positive and please be blessed.

~Rayne Elise,

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I come to you with a very heavy heart. There are so many things that are going on in the world today. The police brutality of African-American (or Black) people, especially men are widespread. I want to extend my heart felt condolences and prayers to all of the families of victims in these circumstances. In my opinion, much of the killing at hand of police officers are unjustified, and they are usually unwarranted. I feel strongly about this, as my father could have met this same fate in 2003. My father had an incident where he was temporarily incarcerated. The officer in question felt threatened by my father. As a result, my sister and I were told at the hearing that he should have killed my father. I never forgot that. Please understand, I do not believe all police officers are bad. However, I personally have my own experiences with police officers.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding the protests of Black Lives Matter, even for LGBTQ rights and equality. Then there is the legislation debates to defund the Police. Most importantly, there are the political and racial debates. Let me be clear, I have friends, family and acquaintances who ate from all walks of life and people who are on all sides of the debates. I understand everyone’s position and I rarely chime in to keep the peace. I am on most social media platforms, where I see the daily discussions whether they are praises or criticisms of the various movements and initiatives. I do not engage in a lot of the discussions. I don’t mind debating, but I mind race bating. As someone with a Social Work background, I am trained in understanding and interacting with people of differing backgrounds. I made this point for one specific reason: one proposal in combatting police fatalities involving African-Americans is to use Social Workers. I personally believe this would be a step in the right direction for the training on de-escalation tactics and people competency training.

I view the world differently than most. I am probably more sensitive than most. I am extremely empathetic and I have a very rare personality type ISFJ-T, according to various Myers-Briggs Personality Tests. (If you are interested in learning more about your personality test, a good website for your take a personality test is http://www.16personalities.com). You might be wondering the relevance of this discussion. We are all different. We are al unique. We can all, as people of the human race, come together and change the world. The state of the world needs to improve collectively for everyone. I am one of those “think of the children” type of people. I pray for world peace often. I was born and raised in Baltimore, MD, where there is a lot of violence daily. There has been an average of 300 murders annually. Some people whom I have been acquainted with in one way or another were murdered over the years. In fact, in one year, two sixteen year old children in my case loads were killed. This brings me to the next point – Black on Black crime. This seems to be an issue that plagues the Black Lives Matter Movement or the fight against the police brutality. This needs to be changed too. My point is that all sources of race related killing need to be stopped. We will never get anywhere if we only focus on one aspect.

I am happy about the celebrities who are using the platform to speak against injustice of any kind. I appreciate all of the Caucasians (White) people who are aligned with and support the Black Lives Movement and justice and/or equal rights for all. More importantly, the discussions, solidarity and spotlight on these world issues are a good step in the right direction. Let us not forget about poverty and homelessness; drugs; domestic violence; treatment of Veterans (or lack of adequate services for them based on the sacrifices they made). There is a lot of work that needs to be done to change to current state of the world. It saddens me that the United States currently has a Commander in Chief, Donald Trump, who in my opinion spews hate and incites racism and other destructive behavior that contributes to some of the problems not only in the United States, but within the world. It is okay if people disagrees with me. This is my opinion based on my observation. Some of this behavior is comparative to Adolf Hitler and his treatment of the Jews. I will close by saying this – history is doomed to repeat itself if we don’t learn from past failures. This is something we need to think about.

Stay Blessed,

~Rayne Elise

Playlist for this topic: As a huge music lover, here are some of my favorite sons for this post.

– Marvin Gaye, “What’s Going On”

– Marvin Gaye, “Inner City Blues”

– Marvin Gaye, “Mercy Mercy Me”

– Sam Cooke, “A Change is Gonna Come”

– Donny Hathaway, “Someday We’ll All Be Free”

– Donny Hathaway, “To Be Young, Gifted and Black”

– Michael Jackson, “Heal the World”

– Michael Jackson, “Man In The Mirror”

– Michael Jackson, “Scream”

– Michael Jackson, “They Don’t Really Care About Us”

– USA for Africa, “We Are The World”

– Eric Clapton, “Change the World”

– Cher, “Believe”

– 2Pac, “Only God Can Judge Me”

– 2Pac, “Changes”

– Bone Thugs n Harmony, “Change the World”

– Bone Thugs n Harmony, “If I Could Teach the World”

– Bone Thugs n Harmony, “Home”

– Mo Thugs, “This Ain’t Livin”

– Bizzy Bone, “Father”

– Mariah Carey, “There’s Got To Be A Way”

– Public Enemy, “Fight the Power”

Hi Everyone,

I hope you are all well this week. Today, I want to discuss something that is very important – bosses. I have worked in some capacity since the age of 13. I am currently in my mid-30s. I have worked at a lot of different jobs. I have also worked with a lot of different people – especially bosses. I have come to learn that everyone has different personalities. You might be wondering why I made it a point to mention this. Let me explain. My personality is different than most. I am quiet and probably more laid back than most. I am easy going and generally agreeable. I am not as assertive as I could be. Some people describe me as passive. I go out of my way to keep the peace because I hate conflicts and arguing. I disagree with their assessment. At jobs, I am usually among the youngest; if I am not the absolute youngest. I have worked in various industries, such as retail; child care and education; governmental agency; non-profit organizations; office and customer service. I have taught and tutored children. I am happiest working with children. Based on my internships, I have also worked extensively with families and the elderly. I also briefly did a stint in substance abuse treatment for teens where I served as an intake coordinator. I enjoy working. I enjoy helping people. I work extremely hard in every job I do. I put my all into everything. I am not perfect by any means. I also understand that I am not everyone’s cup of tea.

With this being said, I have had a lot of different bosses past and present. The longest job I have ever had is my current position where I have worked for the agency more than ten years. I can tell you some stories. However, I will say this. I am grateful for every person I have worked with in any capacity. I feel strongly that we can stand to learn a thing or two from one another. Unfortunately, many people do not agree with my sentiments. What I mean by that is this – I am not well liked. Co-workers always feel like I am trying to show them up based on my productivity. I am not saying I am the best worker. I try to be as productive and accurate as possible. I learn fast and I do what I am told for the most part. I am often told that bosses I encounter oftentimes feel threatened that I might try to take their jobs. Trust and believe, I don’t want it.

I had a stint as a supervisor for six months. It was honestly one of the worst professional experiences I ever dealt with. My lead worker was older than my parents. In fact, she worked for the agency longer than I had been alive. She was the nastiest person I have ever worked with. She was disgruntle, disrespectful and spiteful. I have a college degree. I also have a master’s degree. I am not trying to be boastful, I am trying to make a point. My immediate supervisor and the office manager did not like me either because I was young. The manager kept telling me that “they were going to grow me up.” Who does that? I hated that position. Due to their lies, I was ultimately demoted. I wasn’t even mad because it was a blessing in disguise.

I had another supervisor who did not like people. She and I had a lot of run ins, as she did with most people. The only time I can remember her being nice to me was when I wore a shirt with the late, great Michael Jackson’s face on it. She was telling me about how her and some of her people were doing the “Thriller dance” in her home country of Nigeria. Outside of that, we really did not have good interactions.

My current supervisor is extremely difficult. Very few people can work with her. I am a type A personality and I am very meticulous. However she takes it to a whole other extreme. Due to the current COVID 19 (global pandemic coronavirus), we are teleworking. While we are teleworking, she calls a lot. A lot of the calls are outside of my working hours, which is really getting on my nerves. Some of the multiple calls last an hour (or longer) and I grow really agitated. My supervisor and I disagree on various things. I recall one day several months ago where I was really upset. Luckily our unit director is someone I really like and get along with. I was really upset one day when I went to work. My director noticed my demeanor and asked me what was wrong. I kept it to myself for a while because I don’t like to cause problems. I mentioned some of the issues I was having with my supervisor at the time. My director listened. I know the issues were recurring ones my supervisor hd with other people. Remember, I am relatively new to my current position, having being there for less than a year. Learning any new job can be stressful and frustrating. The learning curve is challenging. However, having a boss that nitpicks about everything a person does is even worse. I almost quit several times because of how overbearing my supervisor is. She changed her approach some. Everyone can’t be wrong.

I have nothing against anyone. I will try to get along with everyone. Yes. I know and understand some of my interactions and relationships with people are me too. I am very open and honest. No matter how I treat people; or how much I do, I am not well liked. Maybe it is because of the people I work with. I am a nontraditional person. I rarely fit in or assimilate into the environments I am in. One of my friends always tell me that I need to surround myself with like-minded intellectuals outside of my home city. Perhaps he is right.

Not all of my experiences with bosses were bad. I had some really good ones. Some people who were fair and all about empowering and teaching their staff. One such boss is one of my friends. I have known her for years. She has always been a mentor to me. She was blunt, but always fair. She understood everyone’s feelings on various things. If I ever decide to become a boss, I want to emulate her style. She was graceful. She was knowledgeable. She was firm and commanded authority. She hated drama and dealt with all issues. She was fun. She is elderly now, and I hope to be as dynamic as she is one day.

Another boss, I watched her grow from the same role I was and she worked her way up. She is similar to the previous boss I described, but she does not play. She is verbal and commands authority. Another boss I had was pleasant and as sweet as she could be. She was kind to everyone. In fact, I do not think I ever saw her upset. I knew another person as a boss who had more drama than a soap opera. I understand things happen. However she was unable to really do her job due to the persistent drama.

I would like to think I observe people. I am extremely intuitive and empathetic, I absorb emotions. As an African-American female, I have experienced every work scenario possible. I have been sexually harassed by a boss. I worked in a retail job where the boss slept with a lot of his subordinates. In more than one role, people assumed I slept with bosses, which was never the case. I don’t believe in that. If that is how I will get ahead, I will stay where I am at. I had bosses tear me down. I would never treat anyone like that.

I feel strongly that everyone is not meant to be a boss. Personality wise, I might not be the best boss. All bosses should be trained and well versed in employee relations; conflict resolution; decorum; training and resources. Remember you need your people. Good bosses will always get more out of people than required. Bad bosses will get the bare minimum at best. Learn your employees. Understand every approach does not work with everyone. Micromanaging does not work in most cases, unless you have a problem employee who really needs it. Remember there are checks and balances in every situation. Bosses should not have issues with the person who is different from them in any category that people use to divide others. Bosses should lead by example. Bosses should do everything possible to ensure employee morale is up. Based on my experiences and educational background, it is my goal to become a Human Resources consultant. I think a lot of changes should be made in the current scope and realm of bosses. Do not hesitate to let me know what you think. Email me at EmailRayneElise@yahoo.com.

Thank you for your time. Be blessed ~Rayne Elise

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. At this time, we are currently in a worldwide crisis with the fast spreading coronavirus pandemic. This is a scary time for everyone based on the uncertainty of what will happen in the near and long term future due to the mandatory quarantines. I am fortunate that at my full time job, I am able to telework. I was finally able to access the mandatory programs needed in order to do my work. I am still in the office one half day per week at this time. I am sure this is subject to change as there are more people who are affected with the coronavirus. I have still been in and out between going to medical related appointments and grocery shopping. It has been a mad house where I live based on the scares. Most of the merchandise in the stores are empty.

I pray for those people who are unable to go out and shop. I pray for my seniors. Unfortunately, the assisted living facility where my grandmother resides is asking that people do not come in to visit the residents at this time since they are most at risk. I have been calling my grandmother to check on her as I have been. I pray for all of the essential workers who do not have a choice in working. Equally, I pray for those people who are not receiving their usual income due to being unable to work. I pray for those parents who do not have adequate child care at this time based on the school closures. I hope my parents who are home with their children are spending quality time with them. More importantly, I pray for the homeless. I pray for the afflicted. I pray for everyone who was already in a bad situation before the quarantine began. I pray for the people without food and basic supplies. I am thankful for my special friend who was willing to give my family some toilet paper. It is greatly appreciated. For all of the people who have been helping neighbors and other people as much as they could, I salute you.

Being on lockdown in the major quarantine due to the coronavirus has taught me a lot. It gave me time to think. I cannot say this enough that I hope life can return to some form of normalcy. I do understand that based on the extent of things, life will never be the same as we know it. This has been a challenge for so many people who are not used to being at home. I personally and very introverted, as I have stated in the past. In fact, I am one of the people who would likely never leave the house unless I had to. This week has changed that. Being home has not been the best experience for me, as I am sure there are other people who can say the same thing. My youngest sister lives here too. She is by far one of the most selfish and inconsiderate people I have ever met in my life. She will buy food for herself, but won’t share. Yet she will eat a lot of the food that I am my mother purchase. It is a constant argument in my house and I am extremely unhappy. I believe heavily in sharing and treating people the way I want to be treated. However, I seek a happy medium where everyone contributes and share evenly. If your situation is similar to mine, I am praying for you too.

This might be an unpopular opinion. It is my belief that we as people worldwide come together. I am a Christian, and I believe in the power of prayer and humanity. We need to stop the hating. Stop the killing. Stop the violence. We need to treat everyone better. Love the people that are in your life because (1) life is too short and (2) life is too uncertain.

I have heard many opinions about the coronavirus. I have heard a lot of conspiracy theories. I have an uber religious mother and some friends who are stating this pandemic is a ploy towards a New World Order. I do not necessarily believe that. I heard this virus is manmade. I heard in a store yesterday that this pandemic is all political. It does not matter to me how it started or spreaded worldwide. I just hope for a solution to eradicate it.

Until we are able to figure this out, stay inside. Wash your hands. Self quarantine if you are feeling sick. If you are spiritual or religious, pray to whatever supreme being you believe in. Pray for peace and worldwide unity. Stay safe.

Be blessed. ~ Rayne Elise

Hi Everyone,

This is a topic that is very important to me. I don’t have a lot of experience with dating, because I know the caliber of men who usually pursue me. I have spoke a lot about the one relationship I had. Now I will talk about the category of men who have tried – f–k boys.

Please understand that I am thankful for everyone who finds me attractive or intriguing. All of my various social media pages are filled with men in all areas of the world who are seeking a girlfriend, wife, mother for their children or simply a sex partner. Please further understand that I am not interested in any of them at this time in my life. There is one person in particular who I would give a chance to.

After my relationship ended with my ex-husband, I tried to date. Maybe not date in the traditional sense, but I did entertain some men. I met two men in person from my social media pages. Both were bad experiences. I will not lie and say that both were sex related. I slept with one and the other was on some straight foolishness. In fact, the second one happened on my 34th birthday. He played so many games. I fell into the trap of the foolishness. I admit I did and I am not proud of that. I remained angry at him and myself for a while as a result. However it was a big life lesson and the reason why I finally gave up on trying. This post is not to bash anyone. This is to talk about my experiences with men. For the most part, they were not good experiences. 

I am honest in the sense that I have trust issues. I am very vocal about that. I am not as far along in my healing as I would like to be from my ex-husband. I have made a lot of progress, but the deep rooted pain is still there. I have taken the last few years to focus on me and become the best version of myself that I can be. I am a work in progress. I understand there are some good men out there. Here is a salute to the good men. Unfortunately, there are very few good men that I have encountered, which saddens me. At the same time, I know what I attract.

Dating has always been a challenge for me. I only had one real relationship and it was a bad one. I am thankful for that experience, as it forced me to learn how to love myself after years of emotional abuse. This is the reason why I refuse to settle now. I no longer accept the nonsense that I did in the past because I have been hurt too many times.

For instance, I recently met a man at one of the local metro subway stations. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I reluctantly gave him my number. He did not give me his. He called me instantly. At that time, my phone was on silent because I was heading to a job interview. I was in a rush. A couple of days later, he kept trying to video chat using the Google Duo app. He never identified himself. I refused to answer it. I texted him and asked him who he was. He told me and asked me to come see him if I was not busy. I was extremely turned off. First impressions are everything to me. He never gave me a good impression. He likely only wants sex. I hate to have this mindset, but it has been a repeated pattern.

Another instance was a man at my former part time job. He was cool. We were friends, or so I thought. He told me that I would make him hard at work. He also used to get too familiar and kiss my neck. I gave him my number, but I did not know he had a girlfriend. It was the same story and a lot of drama with him too. I eventually quit that part time job partly because of him.

I have a friend now who I love in a way I have never loved anyone – ex-husband included. We are very close. We talk often. He treats me good. I would give him a chance before anyone else. I hope we try it at some point.

I have countless stories about the f–k boy types that approach me on a regular basis. These are just a few examples, with the exception of my friend. I admit I had low self esteem, which is partly why I accepted the foolishness. My purpose in sharing is for all people to love themselves to avoid some of the pitfalls and traps that I fell into. I salute real men, like my friend and a handful of others that I have experienced. Stay vigilant and blessed my friends. Use discernment and caution in dating.  Enjoy your day. ~ Rayne Elise.

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I am in one of the best moods that I have ever been in after lots of reflection and growth. I am beginning to change my outlook and perspective on life. Our circumstances do not define us. I have learned that it is up to us as people to choose how me deal with the circumstances. The goal is for constant thriving. I am thankful for these recent life lessons and changes as I see that positive thoughts foster positive experiences. I am not saying everything is perfect or even where I want them to be at this point in time. However, I choose to be happy. I choose to keep trying. I choose to be optimistic and hopeful that things will continue to improve for me. At the end of the day, life is what we make it. Many people have faced and overcame a lot of adversity in their lives. There are other people who have not really experienced any adversity, still they remain happy at all times.

I am beginning to realize how blessed I am. I have seen a lot of positive changes in recent months. For instance, I have learned to forgive myself for a lot of the choices I have made. I have forgiven myself for toxic behaviors and toxic relationships (this is mainly a nod to my ex-husband, who I am still civil with at this time). I am learning to focus more on myself and how there are various patterns. Repeated patterns can lead to devastation if they are of a negative nature and not checked. I always felt (and still do to a degree) that people have wronged me. Yet I am learning that some of it is me. So many people have told me that I have a  very negative disposition. I am still a work in progress, and I have been working to change this about myself. In many ways, I find myself to be similar personality-wise to my mother, and well that scares me a bit. (Queue’s one of my favorite songs by Prince, “When Doves Cry,” “… maybe I’m just too demanding; maybe I’m just like my father, too bold; maybe you’re just like my mother; she’s never satisfied…”). I am beginning to pay more attention to these things and I have been changing my thought processes.

My home situation is not ideal. I am currently staying with my mother, and I do not have enough money to move on my own. On paper, it appears I earn great money. However I am heavily taxed. Then I have credit card, auto, and student loan debt. Not to mention car insurance of over $400.00 per month at this time. I wish I managed money better, but at this time, I have a roof over my head and a decent job. My mother has really been patiently working with me even though the circumstances that led me to her house to begin with are not ideal. I do miss living on my own. However I am thankful she is accommodating me. I am trying to slowly get out of debt. That in itself is a process and I am learning how to better budget my money. I am also looking into some more side jobs to help supplement my income in the mean time.  Work is slowly improving. I have been in my current position for six months and with the agency for over ten years. My supervisor and I have been working on  a happy medium. We have both realized where there are deficiencies and we are collectively learning how to correct them. I am beginning to become more confident in myself, as this is something that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I am learning that I am the way God intended for me to be – flaws and all. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. I am just learning how to address and deal with mine. I am being more honest with myself. I am grateful for those close people in my life who calls me out on my foolishness. I value their honest feedback.

For the first time in my life, I have experienced dealing with a man who is not using me. If things were better for the both of us, I would love for me and him to try a relationship. I think he feels the same way to a degree. I can’t really speak for him. I am a little afraid and I don’t want to ruin what we have. It is a bond that I have never experienced. He understands my moods, just like I understand his. I am a moody person by nature. I have always been. I think I will always be to a degree. I am thankful for him daily. I do not hesitate to tell him that. He is very protective of me. He has been more of a husband to me than my actual husband was. I am happy around him at any time doing anything. I enjoy our daily conversations. He has truly changed my view of men in ways he doesn’t realize. I recently had this encounter with a random man in a metro subway station. He asked me for my number. I reluctantly gave it to him because people tell me I should date. He was a f–k boy. I have experienced so many of them. The random man turned me off instantly. It is refreshing that the prior man I described – people like him exist. I am use to the f–k boy type and I am ready to give up on dating and relationships based on the patterns.

Overall, I am thankful for every experience. I am happy for once in my life. For that I am grateful. Keep moving upward despite any negative circumstances. I am living proof of that. You all have seen this from my various topics. More is coming. Thank you all for the love and support you have shown me with this blog. You have no idea how much it means. This has been therapeutic and it is something I enjoy. Keep your head up and keep the faith. Peace and blessings everyone ~> Rayne Elise.

Greetings Everyone, I hope you are all well today. This blog post will be a little different. As you might know, I am very spiritual. I identify as a Christian. I was raised Baptist Christian (by way of my mother) and Seventh Day Adventist (by way of my father). I identify with elements of both. I have friends and family in every religious background. I enjoy learning about different religions and I encourage you all to write in to enlighten me.

This is my open prayer……

Dear God, I humbly thank you for the life you have given me. I am blessed to still be alive despite some health scares and suicide attempts. You know my story and you understand my heart. I have experienced a lot, as you know. I am learning how to trust you more. I need to better understand that everything happens according to Your plan and Your timing. I also understand the teacher is always silent during the test. I have learned, and I firmly believe, that we are not immune to the trials and tribulations of life. I try hard to play the hand that has been dealt to me. I have held on for a while. Yes, there are times when I feel like giving up, but for whatever reason, you are keeping me here. God, please give me the strength to continue to endure life’s challenges. I am asking for your strength and wisdom. I am learning how to better navigate through this thing we call life. I want to eventually use my story to help and empower others, as I am still learning how to heal and matriculate.

Lord, help me to understand the lessons that you are trying to teach me. Help me live according to your plan and purpose. At times, I wish I understood my purpose. I do however believe there is a purpose for my pain. Help me to remain focused. I want to become a better, more grounded person. Help me in my daily interactions. Teach me to say and think the best possible things, despite the circumstances. Please forgive me for my sins and transgressions. Please help me to not be as hard on myself. I am still human. I have various feelings and opinions and I make mistakes. I am flawed. I have good intentions. I wish more people saw the good in me and understood me. It is my desire to have my own residence. I pray to no longer be struggling financially, I want to be debt free. I want to work at a job I love and/or . I want my mental health status to improve. I don’t want to be depressed or have anxiety more as I suffered from both ailments for the majority of my life. I want to be happy. Yes I understand happiness is a choice.

I pray for everyone worldwide. God, I want to live in a world where there are no wars. I pray for peace.. I pray people no longer suffer. I believe heavily in healing the world and making it a better place. It is my wish that we as people come together. I love everyone. I wish that love was reciprocated worldwide. I pray for those who are ill. I pray for those who have no families. I pray for those who are impoverished. I pray for the sick, afflicted and shut in. I pray for those who are depressed. I pray for those who are ready to give up. I pray for those who want to do more to make a change. I pray for those who don’t know where to turn. I know you, God will make a way out of no way. I pray you can reach more people who believe in You. I pray for mental health therapists and Social Workers who listen to people’s problems, even when they have so many of their own. The burn out is real God.

I pray for my family, especially the youngest generation. I wish my family would all come together. I have not seen many of my relatives in years (especially on my father’s side of the family). I wish we could all reconnect. I pray for healing within the family structures. I pray for all of my friends, especially the close circle I have. I am thankful for those who have stood by my side through some of the hardest times of my life. I am grateful for those in my circle who know and understand my plight and my issues, but they choose to love me anyway. I am thankful for those who remain patient with me. I acknowledge that I am not the easiest person to deal with. I pray that I am one day to resolve some of my issues. I desire motherhood. If it is in Your will.

I pray jobs get better. I wish humanism is put back in human resources instead of profits and productivity. As a public servant in the helping profession, I pray jobs do more to understand the plight of the employee. I pray more people find their happiness. I pray more people heal and find their happiness. I pray there is less hatred and suicide. I pray more is done to promote holistic wellness.

Thank you for the blessings you have bestowed upon us. Let us not forget that. Thank you for your unwavering love. This and all blessings we ask in your sweet, holy name, Amen.

Hi Everyone, I hope you are all well today. This post will be a little different. It will be about the various questions that I have been asked.

1. Is Rayne Elise your real name? No, Rayne Elise is not my real name. It is a pseudonym I chose to use. I love the name. I would have given this name to my daughter if I ever had one.
2. Where are you from? I am from Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America. I was born and raised in Baltimore.
3. How old are you? I am a millennial. My birthday is in October 1984. I am 35 years old at the moment.
4. Why did you decide to do this blog? I love writing. It is something I enjoy. I have experienced so much that I wanted to write. I am kind of introverted, so writing is my voice. This has been therapeutic for me to be able to express my innermost thoughts and feelings. It is my hope that I am able to help someone with my topics. As I am discovering and loving myself, I wanted others to see my growth and become encouraged. Doing this blog has helped me in ways you would never imagine.
5. Will you reveal your real identity? I will eventually. I won’t right now and I have my reasons.
6. How do you come up with the various blog topics? I have many thoughts and I jot down ideas. I often am not able to write the blog posts at the intended time, but I try to do the posts at a later date. I often do the posts when I go to one of the local libraries with my mother or when I am out in about. I think hard about what I want to talk about and how I want to address it. I am an open book and a lot of my posts are personal accounts about why I have some of the thoughts and opinions that I have. I can be all over the place, so I try to follow through on my ideas.
7. Will you be expanding your topics? Yes, I want to expand. There are so many things that I want to accomplish with this blog. I want to move into motivational speaking. I try to be the person I wish I had. I want to have an advice column. I want to reach more people. Lastly, I want to write a book in the form of an autobiography. I have had a title picked out since the age of 10. I want to become a brand and gain more of a following and become widely known.

Thank you all for your questions and feedback. Email me at emailrayneelise@yahoo.com for more questions and feedback. Peace, blessings, love and positivity everyone. * Rayne Elise

Hello Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. On my Facebook and Instagram pages, I give a lot of relationship advice in the various groups I am in. I speak a lot about my past relationship in many of my posts. There were a lot of things I wished people told me. I learned through experience, much of which was trial and error. I feel this is the best way to learn. My disclaimer is that this is all of my opinion. It is best for you to learn things as well as everyone views and handles things differently.

I only had one real relationship in my life. I wish I had more experience, but everything happens for a reason. I was with my ex-husband for 12 years before we split up. It was 13 years by the time we were divorced. We dated for 7 years before we got married. We were married for about 5 years before the separation. I strongly feel that if we knew some of these things, we might have worked out. It is a possibility that we would have had the same outcome. I guess we will never know. Either way I thank him for the experience. I am grateful that I can use this experience to try to help others.

My first piece of advice is to know and love yourself first before pursuing a relationship with someone. I settled really young (19 when we dated and 26 when we married). I had low self esteem stemming from my upbringing. I did not think that I would find anyone that would love me. I am always the friend, homie and sister. It is rare men see me as more than that. I settled based on my own selfish needs and insecurities. Yes, I really loved my ex-husband. I am adamant that he did not love me. Further, he likely kept me around for stability. I realize all of this now after much reflection. In all honesty, we probably had no business getting married. He did not really love himself either. As a result, two really broken people should not be together. Everyone should heal first. We did not. We both brought so much baggage into that relationship. Loving yourself sets the tone for how other people will view and treat you. I did not leave that relationship until I began to love myself. This premise is the reason that I have not really pursued another relationship since my relationship ended. I am honestly still healing and learning how to fully love myself. I do not want to repeat the past mistakes.

I knew him since high school. We were cool since we competed on the debate team from opposing schools. We reconnected in college. I saw so many red flags early on that I ignored because I really wanted to be in a relationship. I also thought he would change. Had I loved myself starting on, I would have moved on much earlier, if I even agreed to be in a relationship with him. Pay attention to red flags. I tolerated a lot at 19 that I could no longer deal with at 31. Sadly, people only change when they want to and for the person they want to. People do not change because you want them to. These are all hard lessons that I had to learn the hard way. Unfortunately, he has proven the last sentiment in his current marriage to another woman.

Try to find someone that is on your level and someone who you are evenly yoked with. My ex-husband and I differed on so many aspects. We were different religions. We paid bills differently. We had different cleaning habits. We purchased food differently. Although we were the same age chronologically, we were not the same age mentally. Being with him was like raising a child. I am someone who has always been extremely mature. I have a very old soul. People never believe I am the age I say I am based on my more settled nature. My ex-husband and I were not evenly yoked. We did not have the same educational backgrounds. We differed in every aspect you can think of, which made our relationship challenging. I am someone who is very family oriented. In a huge way, I am the glue in my family. He on the other hand barely spoke with his family. Had we been evenly yoked, things might have been different. Please understand that I believe opposites attract. People can make differences work if they want to. In my relationship, I feel that we were too different. We wanted different things out of life. We were unsuccessful in making our differences work. I always wanted to advance myself. He was more-or-less complacent. When I did advance myself in any way, it caused further problems in our relationship.

This brings me to my next point. Find someone who is on your level spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially, sexually, educationally and economically. This will makes a huge difference. Make sure you and your partner discuss every aspect of a relationship, in addition to life goals. Make sure you are on the same page. I can say that I put my all into that relationship. I was the only one who sacrificed. He would not budge. If both people do not exhibit these same levels, the relationship is doomed.

Never become co-dependent on your partner. My ex-husband and I were co-dependent on each other because neither of us really had friends. The only friend I really had during that time, he was jealous of. No one wanted to see me and my ex together. I was told by many people that I was making a mistake and he would always hold me back in life. I accomplished the two main things people told me that I would never accomplish once we separated. I learned how to drive and I obtained a graduate degree. My point is that people should pay attention, to some degree to the feedback of others looking in. I am not by any means saying to have people in your business. That was another mistake we made. I am saying that everyone can’t be wrong. I believe many people foresaw the inevitable that I did not see based on the blinders I had.

Keep people out of your business. Everyone has an opinion. People’s opinions are not always the best. Remember misery loves company. Miserable people will always give bad advice. Try to work your differences with your partner out in private. Never speak bad about your mate or talk about your problems to anyone. People will not be helpful, but they will be more hurtful. We did not follow this. There were so many problems with outside interference. I am a very spiritual person. I am not overly religious, but I believe God (or whatever supreme being you believe in, if any, should be the center of any relationship. Based on my marriage, I am a strong advocate for premarital counseling. We did not try counseling. I think people should exhaust all possible solutions before calling it quits.

All in all, follow your gut instincts. Listen to your intuition. Talk to your partner in the courting stage about how you all will collectively handle things as well as potential deal breakers. Keep the lines of communication open. What little we did try to talk about our problems, it turned into a battle since we both became defensive. We could not have any conversations without it turning into an argument. Also take ownership for your roles in your relationship problems. No one person is to blame for everything. Also acknowledge the pain you cause each other. Do not go to bed angry. Do not repress or hold back your feelings. I am someone who hates arguments and conflict. I grew up around a lot of arguing, and it affects me to this day. I avoid conflict as much as possible. I will go out of my way to keep the peace. This is not always good because it teaches your mate and others that many things they do are okay when they are not. I repressed so much in my relationship that I am still dealing with the pain of letting go a couple of years later. If they are addressed at the time in a healthy manner, that would alleviate some of the problems. I had so much anger, resentment and pain for my ex-husband that I am still working through. This tends to cripple you and it prevents you from fully moving on. Find a healthy way to resolve conflicts as they happen. Do not end up like me in this aspect. I held back so much that it has been challenging to deal with. Do not do that. If the lines of communication are always open in a healthy manner, some relationship problems can be resolved. Resolve conflicts before you go to bed at night. We did not and we were often angry because of it, This anger will spill over and affect you in other ways, such as work or in other relationships.

Every relationship is different. I have learned so much from this relationship that I know of changes I will make in the next. Everyone is different and there is no cookie cutter method to dealing with relationships. We all have varying personalities and experiences that will impact how relationships should be handled. Also be mindful of other elements that could affect relationships, such as age, culture, religion, etc.

At the present time, I wish so many things were different. We do not get into relationships with the hope of breaking up. I have experienced a lot of heartache and pain in my life. My story gets really deep. Even with that, my relationship and the aftermath of it was one of the hardest things I ever dealt with. I am still healing, as it is a slow and gradual process. These are some of the many lessons that I have learned in the process. I hope some of this advice can help. Please email me some of your other advice to emailrayneelise@yahoo.com. Peace and blessings everyone. Spread love. ~ Rayne Elise