Greetings, everyone! I hope you are all doing well today. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. I cannot say this enough. One thing people should learn about me is that I am someone who takes on more than I should. Being an empath, I care too much about everyone else and their problems. As a result, I ignore my needs to ensure the people around me are good. Yes, I am aware that this is not always good. However, it is hard to change since I have behaved in the same manner since childhood. I am guessing a lot of it stems from unhealed trauma from my tumultuous childhood. If it makes sense, I compensate for the things I did not receive from others. I am usually the strong person most people lean on. Yet when I am in need, there are very few people who I can turn to. In a way, I am used to suffering in silence. This is how I survive.
In the past several months, I have experienced the detriments of taking on more than I can handle. At work, I indirectly run my office. I am the go-to person for nearly everything. If I am not at work, my absence is felt by my coworkers. I am grateful to have a handful of coworkers who recognized I was burning out. In fact, my supervisor begged me to take a temporary leave of absence from work to focus on myself, my health and everything else I have going on. I was reluctant because of how much I anticipated would wait for my return.
At a recent therapy appointment, my therapist took one look at me and expressed the same sentiments as my supervisor. I finally obliged. I rarely take off from work. Since COVID, I tend to work around the clock in between appointments. Recently, my supervisor asked me how I was able to accomplish so much with the volume of work I have in addition to the stress from my personal life. I told her about the extra hours. She urged me to stop working so much overtime. When I return to work, we will map out a plan to make my workflow easier. My supervisor is also trying to find me some help since I alone complete enough work for at least three or more people. I have took on so much for so long that hard work does not phase me.
I have worked hard my whole life. I began employment at the age of 13. I am fairly organized at work. My coworkers tell me how they are amazed at the various Google, Microsoft, and Smartsheet trackers I create to keep track of everything. In fact, they told me they want to adopt a few of them. Over the years, I learned strategies to remain organized. Most people are unaware that I was formally diagnosed with having an Attention Deficit Disorder. Therefore, the creation of tools was essential.
The point that I am trying to make is your body will tell you when it is time to rest. I had a few set backs which cannot be ignored. Do not worry, I promise you that I am okay. When stress levels become too high, there are physical reactions to it. I am dealing with that now. I have been regularly following up with my doctors. Some of their concerns have been decreasing. I even started losing weight.
I hope to accomplish that during this down time. I am not accustomed to taking breaks. However, I plan to use this time to my advantage. I am grateful for everyone who has checked on me during these past few months. The display of love and support means so much to me. My circle will never be able to understand the impact this had on me. When some of my coworkers learned I was going to be away for a period of time, they expressed sadness. I am a little sad to be away from work; however, I needed this time to recuperate. I hope they learn to appreciate me more. I hope even more they learn some of the resiliency that I had to learn in terms of doing their jobs and handling the high volumes. I am not superwoman or as magic as people think I am. I do my best to do right by everyone. I would do anything for anyone. I help everyone. However, it would be nice if my coworkers learned how to also help themselves. Every session, my therapist tells me that I cannot be all things to all people. We are working on me setting more boundaries and taking a step back with many things.
We all cross paths for a reason. We are supposed to learn something from every experience. I learned a lot in the past several months. I am thankful for every experience. I have learned who is truly for me and who aren’t. That is okay. Eventually everything is revealed. I will do things differently moving forward. Please take care of yourselves and focus on you before you focus on anyone else. We only get one life to live and we need to make the most of it. Know when you need to take a break. Do not wait until it is too late. Good luck and best wishes.
❤ Peace and blessings, Rayne Elise ❤
Discovery Journey 