Greetings, everyone! I hope you are all doing well. As for me, I am okay. At least I am trying to be with everything that is happening in the world today. Today, I want to talk about something lighthearted. As I have shared in some of the other blog posts, I am very family oriented. I have always loved elderly people. I am fortunate to have had two grandmothers in my life – my maternal grandmother and my ex-husband’s grandmother. Both women have provided tons of memories, and they have given me various lessons in me which I will always remember.
My maternal grandmother is the only biological grandparent I had growing up. For at least 20 years, I have helped my mother and aunts take care of her due to her declining health. It brought us closer over the years. My grandmother has been afflicted with dementia, and it has been hard watching her change. I am grateful she is still with us. However, I fear her time is nearing.
Presently, I enjoy watching certain television shows with her. We talk about life. Like me, Grandma loves music. Sometimes we listen to Motown era and Country Western music. With dementia, we have the same repeated conversation. She always asks me, “What are you doing with yourself?” My response is always a simple one, “I have been working hard, Grandma.” Grandma then says, “I remembered. I bet your job keeps you plenty busy, huh?” My final response, “Yes it does, Grandma.” I work a demanding, high pace, high stress job. It is cool, but it has its days and challenges. I am often frustrated, but I am working on dealing with it better.
My grandmother and I have similar personalities. We are both quiet and mild-mannered women. We have a love of tall men. My grandmother does not remember many things in her short-term memory. She does remember more long-term memories. Although she does not remember his name, she remembers my father. She always asks about how he is doing. She smiles from the memories. They were really close at one point.
In 2004, I met Ms. Clark. She was the first relative I met from my ex-husband. From day one, she embraced me and treated me like family. She accepted me. We did lots of things together. We talked on the phone a lot. I have always said that she was the “original Madea.” Ms. Clark held no punches, and she did not care how a person thought about it. Now that she is gone, I really miss her. I think about her often. One regret I have is that I did not contact her after I broke up with her grandson. I endured a lot of pain following the breakup. I did not want to bring her into that drama. I am grateful I was able to pay my final respects to her at her wake. As I am currently watching “Tyler Perry’s Diary of a Mad Black Woman movie,” it is making me miss her even more.
Both women endured a lot in their respective lives. Both were the product of numerous siblings (ten or more). Both were born in the 1930s and survived the Great Depression. My grandmother was amongst the younger siblings. Ms. Clark was amongst the elder siblings. As a result. both women had limited educations. They had to work at young ages to help support their families. Both married young and began their families. Both have told me the about the turmoil of marriage. Sadly, I learned those lessons on my own later on. Both women made many sacrifices. Based on their struggles, both pushed me to obtain an education since they were unable to. Additionally, they encouraged hard work. Neither wanted me to have lots of children. So far, I have not had any.
My grandmother is and was a peace-loving person. She hated disputes and drama. She always told me to not react, but let God handle it. Ms. Clark on the other hand had the mentality that she wished people would try her. I promise you it did not end well. Ms. Clark was tough and could back it up. She did not tolerate disrespect from anyone. Most people who knew her knew better. Like my grandmother, I can keep the peace. However, I have my limitations and will set it off. I do not go off often, but it happens. Just know when it happens, I was provoked, and I tried hard to diffuse the situation.
Both women believed in God, and they remained spiritual. I am very spiritual. They worked hard, and they were the backbone of their families. They faced adversity and they were survivors. Ms. Clark always told me that I would be okay because like her, I came up the hard way. In everything I do, I have gratitude. Both could cook. I am skilled at cooking myself. Ironically, the favorite dish they both made was potato salad.
I will never forget this trip I took with Ms. Clark and some of her relatives in 2012. It was her only time flying. Yes, it went exactly how you would expect it to. Both women remained humble. Humbleness is important. Family is everything. Cherish your loved ones, especially your grandparents. I am sad that I was never given the opportunities to get to know my grandfathers. I hope they are all at peace.
I pray there is a cure for dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. I support research efforts for these conditions. For other families who are dealing with these conditions, I keep you in my thoughts and prayers. To watch your loved ones suffer from an illness is heartbreaking. If you or your loved one was recently diagnosed with a condition, please do your research. Build a support system. Remember you are not alone. Being a caregiver in any capacity is not easy, however I choose to reciprocate the love and care my grandmother gave me. I believe strongly in treating people the way I want to be treated. That is the final lesson I learned from them. Please take care of yourselves too. You must focus on your self-care. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Please trust me on this. Burnout is real.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading about my grandmothers and the lessons I learned from them. Both of them are special to me. I will hold them near and dear to my heart for an eternity.
This post is dedicated in loving memory to Ms. Clark. I love and miss you, Ms. Clark. Thank you for the memories. Continue to rest easy. As Grandma always told me, “We don’t say goodbye. We say, “see you later.””
Peace and blessings, everyone. ❤ Rayne Elise ❤
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