Understanding Yourself

Greetings Everyone,

I hope all is well. Yes, it has been a minute since I posted anything. I spend so much of my time working and doing other things. I am a person who takes care of everyone, yet I tend to neglect myself. I am trying to scale back my activities because some days are easier than others. I can say for certainty that I am doing too much. I need to spend more time focusing on myself as I continue my journey to healing and wellness.

From my journey, I have learned a lot about life and myself as a woman. I have come a long way from how I was in the beginning. I admit I still have a way to go, but I am proud of my progress to this point. Everyone should celebrate their progress at each step. Change and growth are gradual. Rome wasn’t built in a day. I personally remind myself and others of this daily.

In the past several months, I found myself unpacking a lot of the baggage I have maintained since childhood. My childhood was tumultuous. I felt unwanted. I did not feel loved. Growing up, I had a strained relationship with my mother. What I did not realize then that I realize now is my childhood relationships shaped a lot of the relationships I had over the years. I had to heal. I had to change.

I am understanding some of my toxicity. For instance, I hold back a lot of my feelings and repress them until I am resenting people who wronged me. This is something that I learned in therapy, which I advocate. I sacrifice a lot for family and a handful of friends. If they are in need and I can help, I do. However, many times I am disadvantaged. When I am in need, the level of care I give others is not reciprocated. That bothers me, which is also toxic. I am accepting of my part in these dynamics and I take full responsibility. I am learning to articulate and advocate better as well as set limits.

Understanding oneself is key to growth and development. I am more understanding of why I endured so much in my life. I can say for certain that we are not immune to the trials and tribulations of life. The best that we can do is play the hand that we were dealt. I have not been dealt the best hand in life. I faced a lot of adversity, many of which I am still healing from. Healing is a journey. It takes time. Healing is different for everyone. The best advice I can give is to take things one day at a time.

I never understood how much my story impacted others. Today, I received a postcard from my alma mater to call and do an oral biography of my life in college and after college. I called to see what it was about. They wanted an update from alumni for a book and publication. I had a lengthy conversation with a lady, whose name escapes me. Anyway, she asked me a lot of questions about my life. I explained my story. She was impressed with my story and perseverance. She was amazed at some of the things I dealt with concurrently during my time matriculating in college.

The point of this post is to explain that I question so much of my experiences. I never realized how much I overcame until the lady praised me. I use my story to empower others. I think everyone should do the same. I strongly feel that we can all stand to learn a thing or two from one another. I encourage you all to keep your faith and keep striving. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. We all cross paths for a reason. Looking back also changes your perspective. Learning should come from every experience, whether good or bad.

Thank you all as usual for taking the time to listen to my stories. It is greatly appreciated. Enjoy your day. ❤ Rayne Elise ❤