Dating and Relationship Lessons

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I have so many thoughts and opinions on various topics. I try to express them as I enjoy healthy dialogues and debates. I am very vocal at times. Maybe I am a little opinionated. Still, I feel everyone is entitled to free speech; their opinions and convictions. Please do not come for me should you disagree with what I am saying. We can disagree and I am okay with it.

One of those various topics of opinions are dating and relationships. I will not proclaim to be an expert on dating and relationships. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I have limited experience. I only really dated one person. I married and eventually divorced him, as I have stated in other posts. We are civil at the moment. Now we speak often…. never in a million years did I think we would reach this stage post divorce. That has been a lengthy process. Either way, growth and healing are important. I mean, we started off as friends. Before you ask, no there is not a chance for a reconciliation. He is remarried. As for me, after 13 years, I am good. Still, I wish him nothing but love and happiness. Even though we did not work out, many of the lessons I learned from dating and relationships stem from our failed relationship. In fact, in retrospect, there are many things I could have done and/or handled differently. Life goes on and we learn from our mistakes.

I have tried dating other men after my relationship ended. Believe me, I have tried. Unfortunately, the vast majority of people I meet only really want sex. I have never had a lot of sexual partners to begin with. I am not that easy as many of the men I meet assume. I have severe trust issues. I do not really let people get close to me. Honestly, there are some people I would sleep with many of whom only view me as a friend or family member. No, I am not against having sex with people. I rather take the time to get to know someone first. Yes, I have slept with people at the initial meeting. I have learned that it is not a good idea for me. Do whatever you want and do what makes you happy. I am not here to judge or sway anyone. I can only speak for myself. I follow vibes from people and make decisions based on that. Based on my experiences, I have been celibate for a number of years now. COVID heightened my sensitivity. All I am saying is if someone is trying to pursue me, I have no interest in immediately pushing for sex. It does not take much to turn me off. Solely discussing sex and nothing else is a major turnoff to me. I am not pressed to have it. It can be a great thing depending on the person.

This brings me to my next point. If in the rare occasion I give you my phone number, please do not blow up my phone with incessant calls and text messages. First, I currently have two jobs and I am super busy every day. I do not really talk on the phone much unless it is someone who I am very close to, such as my mother or one of my friends. Never demand for me to call you immediately. I do not do well in those situations. I do not control anyone and I do not like to be controlled. This is especially the case if you really do not know me.

Let me explain: I recently met man at my part time job last week. He caught me off guard and asked for my phone number. I reluctantly gave it to him. He immediately started demanding I call him. He also texted my phone. I entertained it because I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I try to give people chances. Unfortunately, more often than not I regret giving men my number. This man immediately asked me if I am sleeping with someone. He claimed he asked because he does not want to be in a situation with a woman who is sleeping around, since he wants to be the only person receiving the benefits. My issue with this is he does not know me from Adam. I am also not committed to anyone and I am free to do whatever I choose. Additionally, there is a lot of red flags that I have already picked up on. I pay close attention to what people say to me and their actions. This guy basically explained he is a bum. He is about to break his lease due to issues. Plus. he claimed he is not on good terms with his children’s mother because of money. He also told me he is “48 with young man tendencies.” This does not scratch the surface of the foolishness this man has said to me. People are who they are. We can’t change that. All I am saying is that I would rather be by myself than entertain the foolishness I always receive from men.

Essentially, I have been through a lot. I have been stalked and in dangerous situations. I have encountered some crazy people. Through it all, I am extremely fortunate I am able to share my stories. I am used to men breadcrumbing me. I am also used to many false and broken promises. I can tell you all some stories. As I have said many times before, my life is a sitcom.

Now, I spend a lot of my time sharing my experiences with my teenaged niece. I treat her just like I would my own child if I had one. I like to think that we are close. She says I smother her, but I promise you my intentions are good. I am someone who cares too much. I try to be for her what I wish I had. With that being said, I share various stories with her, many of which are my dating tales. She finds them entertaining. Here are my goals with sharing my stories with her:

1. I teach her to love herself and know her worth. These are things I struggled with throughout my life. Because of the way I look, men still assume I have those same poor self esteem. I am a work in progress and I am healing and evolving.
2. I teach her to peep game. All attention is not good attention. Pay attention to what people say and their actions.
3. Be aware of someone trying to exude control over you, especially if you do not know them.
4. Pat attention to red flags.
5. Do not accept foolishness.
6. Be vocal about the things you will and won’t accept.

As always, I am thankful for all of your support. Feel free to email me at emailrayneelise@yahoo.com. Be blessed and enjoy your day.