Marriage and Relationships

Hello Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. Tonight’s post stems from a conversation that i was having with my father earlier this evening. I am extremely close to my father. We talk about anything. I am the epitome of a daddy’s girl because I really don’t think that there is a person alive that understands me like my father does. I am a bit quirky and different. You might even say that I am a bit off beat. I am very misunderstood, which always bothered me. My father is the main person I receive advice from. He also calls me out on my foolishness. He gives me guidance and insight on ways that I can better manage this time we call life.

Tonight, we were talking about marriage. My father was married to my mother during my early childhood years. However, this union did not last due to various differences between my parents. Unfortunately, they were not evenly yoked. I grew up around a lot of arguing, It is rare that my parents agreed on anything or compromised. To be totally honest, my father is extremely stubborn. My young sister, brother and myself inherited some of those same qualities. My father is a no nonsense type of person who will tell you exactly what he thinks without sugar coating anything, He does not really care about people’s feelings. Do not get me wrong, he is as sweet as he can be, until he is provoked. I hate to admit this, but this is another trait that we inherited from dad. As a result, my parents’ marriage was not the best example of marriage.

As I have mentioned in other posts, my own marriage was tumultuous. I do not want to say that my marriage was all bad, because it wasn’t. I have been thinking tonight about some of the good times my ex-husband and I shared. Before you ask, no there is no chance of us reconciling and getting back together. We have both moved on. We are civil at the moment and we will keep it as it is. Besides, I talk to his mother every few days. I am very vocal about how my marriage is one of the most painful experiences of my life. However, it also forced me to learn some of the hardest lessons. My ex-husband started out really young when we settled. We did not find ourselves nor communicate everything we believed, wanted or desired in our marriage. This is where we made our mistake. We did not effectively try to fix our problems. We repressed and concealed a lot of our feelings towards one another. We had different philosophies on everything. I do thank him for the experience as it shaped me into the woman that I am today. I am a work in progress and I have a long way to go. He taught me the power of forgiveness. I am not saying all of the issues in our marriage were him – a lot of it was me too. I accept full responsibility for my hand in our demise. I am also sorry for the pain I caused him. I fully know and understand that I am not the easiest person to deal with, However, when there are two broken people together, this will eventually lead to a disaster. It is my hope that my ex-husband does not repeat the same issues in his current marriage. I am really cautious now as the result of my experiences with marriage and relationships.

I am kind of reluctant to ever remarry. I am not against it. However, I have higher standards now and I refuse to settle. I will only remarry a man if the circumstances are right and we are able to resolve issues. I seek a happy medium. I am constantly told that I will eventually remarry because I am a wife. I seek to find the reciprocated love that I give on a daily basis. I want someone who will communicate everything they want and desire instead of the marriage being one sided. I want someone who will understand that my intentions are good, despite my flaws. I really want someone who I can build something with – in terms of similar goals and aspirations. We will see what the future holds. I believe heavily in the laws of attraction and manifesting what I desire.

Going back to the point about my father, he was adamant that he would never remarry following his divorce from my mother. Well, approximately two and one half decades later, my father is remarried. His wife is extremely jealous and suspicious of women. One example of this is when I was at his house. I answered the home telephone and her response was, “Who is this? This is his wife.” I was instantly taken aback and turned off, Even now, she is a little standoffish. I try to make an effort, for the sake of my father, but it is not reciprocated. I want my father to be happy. However, he has been expressing so many issues and complaints with this marriage. Another issue is money.

Here is my take on marriage – communication and trust are the most important attributes to make a marriage work. During the dating stages, both parties should be open and honest about their feelings. Do not allow anything to fester. Once unresolved issues build up, they manifest themselves into ugly, unhealthy things. I am speaking from experience.

I am a person who was not always vocal about my feelings and desires. It is something that I struggled with my entire life. I accepted a lot of things that I did not want to as a result. When I started to speak up and things didn’t change, then problems increased. There were more arguments. More people became involved in our marriage issues. I repeat, do not ever do this. This is not how you should handle anything that is making you unhappy.

Additionally, you should not go to sleep angry. It became to the point where i resented my ex-husband. Money and spending should be discussed and agreed upon well in advance. When two people become married, they are supposed to become one unit. Talk about how you pay bills and how you budget your money. Honestly describe all debts. Have a savings plan. Discuss financial goals, such as retirement, major spending (cars, homes, etc). This is all important because any financial burdens become your spouses. Discuss all forms of income. These are recurring issues I see in various marriages.

Jealousy is the ugliest trait. If you have to be excessively jealous, you are in the wrong relationship in my opinion. In order for your relationship to be successful, you should be able to trust your mate. If there is any doubt, let it go and move on. Life is too short to be suspicious. A little jealousy is okay. But a lot of it tends to be uncalled for and unjustified. Love yourself. Yes there are some people who will cheat. Unfortunately, relationships can hurt. Trust me. You can only be held accountable for what you do and allow and not what your mate does or does not do.

I am a very spiritual person. I was told by various people that God (or whatever supreme being you believe in) should be the center of your marriage and relationship. Pray daily for each other. My ex-husband and I had different religions. This is another potential reason why we did not agree on many things. I think this is the same case for my father and step mother. I am not saying this is the sole cause of issues within a relationship. Every person, relationship and situation is different. All I am saying is for you to take the time to explore all possibilities to strive to make your relationship and marriage the best as possible.

Using examples from my marriage, as well as my parents and the marriages of so many other people I know, I try to take heed to the lessons involved in much of the demise. I give a lot of relationship advice on Facebook and other social media platforms. I am not an expert by any means. Much of this is a matter of my opinion. Everything should be discussed in the dating stage in order for all parties to gain an understanding of what is to come if marriage happens. People tend to look past so many things for the sake of a relationship. A lot of things are also taken for granted. No one has the goal to experience a breakup. However life happens.

Good luck and best wishes. I hope this post reaches someone and makes a difference. Thank you for your time. Enjoy the rest of your day. Be blessed and positive.

~ Rayne Elise ❤