Important Life Lessons

Greetings Everyone,

I hope you are all well today. I hope you all are maintaining your mental sanity and physical and spiritual health as the coronavirus (COVID-19) persists. I want you to do whatever it will take for you to reach your optimal overall health in these trying times. Yes, I know it is hard. Trust me, I understand. In this instance, I am taking my own advice. I am blessed to have not been personally affected or afflicted with the coronavirus, but I have had a few health scares in recent months due to not maintaining optimal overall health. I say all of that to inform others to use my stories as cautionary tales on how you can do and/or be better than me. I also encourage you to check on your friends and loved ones, especially those who are most vulnerable, such as the elderly and people who had pre-existing health conditions that would make them potentially more susceptible to the virus. Additionally, be honest about your feelings, concerns and health. There is no shame in reaching out for help. With everything that is happening, so many people are adversely impacted.

The purpose of this post is to speak about many of the important life lessons that has resonated in recent weeks with everything that is happening. It is no secret that I am someone who has not only struggled with mental health issues, but I have had low self esteem, which stems from years of mental abuse. These issues have dictated many of my choices, interactions and relationships over the years. I have lots of baggage that I am learning how to unpack, which has been hard. When you are forced to deal with your issues, it is an uneasy journey. This will cause you to be on an emotional rollercoaster. Every person is different and with that being said, no two journeys are the same. No one will handle things the same way and everything is not for everyone. It is my hope that I can impact someone with my various thoughts or stories. Whatever you face in your journey, use it to strengthen you and always pay it forward. Maybe your story will be able to help someone. Whether you realize it or not, you are always inspiring someone.

I never realized how much of my personality my teenaged niece had until recently. We are so eerily similar that it scares me sometimes. I do not want her to experience some of the hardships and heartaches I had to. I do my best to teach her a lot of things. When she has questions about life, or issues, she will come to be before anyone else. I am perfectly fine with that because I try hard to be to her what I wish I had. Plus, I treat her just like I would if she were my daughter. At times, I think my nieces are likely the closest I will ever get to my greatest desire of motherhood. That will be another story for another time. I am not the perfect influence. I tell her that, but I try to be age appropriately honest. She understands the majority of what I try to teach her. When she was younger, maybe between the ages of two and four, I used to teach her that we are all friends even though we are all different. After a certain point, I could not say that to her anymore. She understood that earlier than I realized based on some of the conversations we were having. Then I had to explain that no matter how good you are, there will always be someone who dislikes you, most likely for a stupid reason. However it is important to overcome that and remain the bigger person. She is starting to tell me the things that I teach her, and it warms my heart.

We are all unique people. God did not want duplication in people, which is why we all have different attributes that make us special. Even with all of our issues and flaws, we are all perfect as God intended for us to be. It took me many years to realize this and internalize it. Had I learned this at a young age, it would have spared me from some of my misery over the years. Besides, even though this is cliche, the right person will love and cherish you – flaws and all. They will teach you how to use these as the building blocks for your strength. They will help you to become empowered and enamored with the wonderful person that you are. I have someone in my life now who is consistent in telling me of how great he thinks I am. He speaks of my intelligence, especially as it relates to my line of work. He marvels at my work ethic. My ability to teach and train others intrigues him. In his eyes, I will be a great mother and wife. Oftentimes, he tells me that I wish I saw in myself what he (and some others) see in me. I am flattered that he thinks so highly of me. Most people have mistreated me, which is why I lack confidence in many areas. I know I have a lot of issues stemming from my childhood that I am still trying to work through and let go. Very few people in my life have vocalized praise for me to that extent. He has even fought for me (not physically) and protected me on several instances. I am not used to that. The only other person who came close is my best friend from high school. Tonight, I have a conversation with my “auntie” Anna, who told me that it is time for me to put myself first. Everyone else needs to be secondary. More importantly, I need to love myself and live my life with no regrets.

My marriage was one of the hardest things I experienced, but even more so was the aftermath of the divorce. As a result, I feel like a failure at times. That is a level of pain that I would not wish on any one. After my divorce, I started to learn how to love myself. I feel like God does not make any mistakes and everything happens for a reason. However, we learn as we grow. Each experience should serve as a teacher instead of a detriment. Because I did not love myself like I should have, I accepted a lot of things that were less than I deserved. It was not only in my marriage, but it was in other aspects of my life too. I accepted things from everyone because I didn’t know how to articulate my feelings and needs. I also did not fight back like I should have, which I regret now. Now, trying to undo years of damage will be a challenge. However I have no regrets about anything that happened to me in my life. I am the cause of some of it and I accept full responsibility. We are not immune to the trials and tribulations of life. It is best we deal with the cards that we are dealt in life and learn how to overcome the challenges that we face. Yes I wish I made some different choices; however we can’t change the past. We do know how to handle things better in the future.

Because of the fact that life is too short, I have been spending more time thinking about what I want and what will make me happy. The infamously fierce RuPaul has a quote I love which says, “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love someone else.” This quote resonated with me for so many reasons, some of which I previously stated. Things I honestly like about myself are my kindness, empathy and compassion; diverse nature and lover of humanity; work ethic, cooking talent; extreme music and book lover and my introversion, but some what extroverted nature. I am an extremely patient and honest person. I try to treat everyone the way I want to be treated. I treat everyone the same. However, I am a little more sensitive than I should be. Many people who I have worked with, for instance view me as weak and an easy target. I have been bullied and victimized a lot in my life. Because I am the truest definition of an empath, everything affects me so deeply. I internalize a lot, and that also impacts and hinders me. My sister is someone who does not really let things bother her, She is vocal, assertive and she will let you know what she thinks and not care about the consequences. I aspire to be like her and our father. I love being around children. The majority of the jobs I have had over the years were around children. In fact, often I am stopped when I am out by a child I worked with over the years. That makes me happy. I am thankful for the friends and family members who continue to love me. I am often described as a healer based on my gentle and peaceful nature, however I need to learn how to heal myself. I have to learn how to let go and fully love myself, as God loves each and everyone of us.

My friend whom I described shows me a level of love that I have never experienced before. We talk about that often. I will always love and appreciate him for how he treats me. He calls me daily for no reason other than to check on me. He is usually right about a lot of the things he tells me, I do not hesitate to tell him that. He pushes me in a way no one else does to elevate myself, whether it is through jobs or education. It bothers him that I self sabotage myself a lot. You never know how people are viewing you from the outside looking in. I do not usually let people get too close to me. However, I feel we all cross paths for a reason.

We all have a purpose. We do not always know what that purpose is. The late, great Chadwick Boseman spoke about his purpose and how he hoped when he died, God would tell him, “well done.” Chadwick lived his life to the fullest, even while battling stages III and IV of colon cancer quietly. He also made some great movies during that time. No one knows what the future holds. Sometimes that scares me. However, I am trying to be as prepared as possible for anything that might happen. While we are still alive, we need to continue to thrive. We need to make decisions that are best for us. We need to love ourselves. We need to accept things are ever changing and we need flexibility. We need to understand there are always people watching us; loving us; praying for us; hating on us; plotting on us. No matter what they try to do to us, we need to remain the bigger person. Lastly, at all times, we need to be the best versions of us.

I appreciate you for taking the time to read this post. This is something that was really important to me. I thank you for being apart of my journey as I am discovering myself and understanding different aspects of life.

If there are some important life lessons you would like to share, or if you want to speak with me; please feel free to email me at: emailrayneelise@yahoo.com.

I love you all. Be blessed and remain positive. I am praying for better days for everyone. ~~ Rayne Elise